10. The Babushka Lady
During the analysis of the film footage of the assasination of John F. Kennedy in 1963, a mysterious woman was spotted. She was wearing a brown overcoat and a scarf on her head (the scarf is the reason for her name as she wore it in a similar style to Russian grandmothers – also called babushkas). The woman appeared to be holding something in front of her face which is believed to be a camera. She appears in many photos of the scene. Even after the shooting when most people had fled the area, she remained in place and continued to film. Shortly after she is seen moving away to the East up Elm Street. The FBI publically requested that the woman come forward and give them the footage she shot but she never did.
In 1970 a woman called Beverly Oliver came forward and claimed to be the Babushka Woman, though her story contains many inconsistencies. She is generally regarded as a fraud. To this day, no one knows who the Babushka Woman is or what she was doing there. More unusual is her refusal to come forward to offer her evidence.
9. The Zodiac Killer
The Zodiac killer was active in Northern California for ten months in the late 1960s. He killed at least five people, and injured two. He comitted the first two murders with a pistol, just inside the Benecia border. In his second shooting in Vallejo, he attempted to kill two people, but one survived despite gunshots to the head and neck. 40 minutes later the police recieved an anonymous phone call from a man claiming to be their killer and admitting to the murders of the previous two victims. One month three letters were sent to Newspapers in California containing a cypher that the killer claimed would give them his name. They cypher was decrypted to read:
“I LIKE KILLING PEOPLE BECAUSE IT IS SO MUCH FUN IT IS MORE FUN THAN KILLING WILD GAME IN THE FORREST BECAUSE MAN IS THE MOST DANGEROUE ANAMAL OF ALL TO KILL SOMETHING GIVES ME THE MOST THRILLING EXPERENCE IT IS EVEN BETTER THAN GETTING YOUR ROCKS OFF WITH A GIRL THE BEST PART OF IT IS THAE WHEN I DIE I WILL BE REBORN IN PARADICE AND THEI HAVE KILLED WILL BECOME MY SLAVES I WILL NOT GIVE YOU MY NAME BECAUSE YOU WILL TRY TO SLOI DOWN OR ATOP MY COLLECTIOG OF SLAVES FOR MY AFTERLIFE EBEORIETEMETHHPITI” The last eighteen letters have not been decrypted.
While Arthur Leigh Allen was the prime suspect, all of the evidence was against him being the killer. To this day the Zodiac murders have not been solved.
8. Bermuda Triangle
The Bermuda triangle is an area of water in the North Atlantic Ocean in which a large number of planes and boats have gone missing in mysterious circumstances. Over the years many explanations have been put forward for the disappearances, including bad weather, alien abductions, time warps, and suspension of the laws of physics.
Although substantial documentation exists to show that many of the reports have been exaggerated, there is still no explanation for the unusually large number of disappearances in the area.
7. Jack the Ripper
In the later half of 1888, London was terrorrised by a series of murders in the east end (largely in the Whitechapel area). The name Jack the Ripper was taken from a letter sent to a newspaper at the time by someone claiming to be the killer. The victims were typically prostitutes who had their throats cut and bodies mutilated. In some cases the bodies were discovered just minutes after the ripper had left the scene.
The police at the time had many suspects but could never find sufficient evidence to convict anyone. In modern times there has even been some speculation that Prince Albert Victor was the murderer. Even with modern police methods, no further light has been shed on the murders in recent times. To this day no one knows who the ripper was.
6. Voynich manuscript
The Voynich Manuscript is a medieval document written in an unknown script and in an unknown language. For over one hundred years people have tried to break the code to not avail. The overall impression given by the surviving leaves of the manuscript suggests that it was meant to serve as a pharmacopoeia or to address topics in medieval or early modern medicine. However, the puzzling details of illustrations have fueled many theories about the book’s origins, the contents of its text, and the purpose for which it was intended.
The document contains illustrations that suggest the book is in six parts: Herbal, Astronomical, Biological, Cosmological, Pharmaceutical, and recipes.
5. Comte de Saint Germain
The Count of St. Germain (allegedly died February 27, 1784) was a courtier, adventurer, inventor, amateur scientist, violinist, amateur composer, and a mysterious gentleman; he also displayed some skills with the practice of alchemy. He was known as ‘Der Wundermann’ — ‘The Wonderman’. He was a man whose origin was unknown and who disappeared without leaving a trace.
Since his death, various occult organizations have adopted him as a model figure or even as a powerful deity. In recent years several people have claimed to be the Count of St. Germain. (Note that St Germain was never regarded as a saint by the Roman Catholic Church – the “st.” before his name refers to his alleged home).
4. Black Dahlia
In 1947 the body of 22 year old Elizabeth Short was found in two pieces in a parking lot in Los Angeles. According to newspaper reports shortly after the murder, Short received the nickname “Black Dahlia” at a Long Beach drugstore in the summer of 1946, as a play on the then-current movie The Blue Dahlia. However, Los Angeles County district attorney investigators’ reports state the nickname was invented by newspaper reporters covering the murder. In either case, Short was not generally known as the “Black Dahlia” during her lifetime.
Many rumours and tales have spread about the Black Dahlia, and the investigation (one of the largest in LA history) never found the killer.
3. The taos hum
The ‘Taos Hum’ is a low-pitched sound heard in numerous places worldwide, especially in the USA, UK, and northern europe. It is usually heard only in quiet environments, and is often described as sounding like a distant diesel engine. Since it has proven indetectable by microphones or VLF antennae, its source and nature is still a mystery.
In 1997 Congress directed scientists and observers from some of the most prestigious research institutes in the nation to look into a strange low frequency noise heard by residents in and around the small town of Taos, New Mexico. For years those who had heard the noise, often described by them as a “hum”, had been looking for answers. To this day no one knows the cause of the hum.
2. Mary Celeste
Mary Celeste was launched in Nova Scotia in 1860. Her original name was “Amazon”. She was 103 ft overall displacing 280 tons and listed as a half-brig. Over the next 10 years she was involved in several accidents at sea and passed through a number of owners. Eventually she turned up at a New York salvage auction where she was purchased for $3,000. After extensive repairs she was put under American registry and renamed “Mary Celeste”.
The new captain of Mary Celeste was Benjamin Briggs, 37, a master with three previous commands. On November 7, 1872 the ship departed New York with Captain Briggs, his wife, young daughter and a crew of eight. The ship was loaded with 1700 barrels of raw American alcohol bound for Genoa, Italy. The captain, his family and crew were never seen again. The ship was found floating in the middle of the Strait of Gibraltar. There were no signs of struggle on board and all documents except the captain’s log were missing.
In early 1873, it was reported that two lifeboats grounded in Spain, one with a body and an American flag, the other containing five bodies. It has been alleged that these could have been the remains of the crew of the Mary Celeste. However, the bodies were apparently never identified.
1. Shroud of Turin
The shroud of Turin is a linen cloth bearing the image of a man who had apparently died of crucifixion. Most Catholics consider it to be the burial shroud of Jesus Christ. It is currently held in the Cathedral of St John the Baptist in Turin, Italy. Despite many scientific investigations, no one has yet been able to explain how the image has been imprinted on the shroud and despite many attempts, no one has managed to replicate it. Radiocarbon tests date it to the middle ages, however apologists for the shroud believe it is incorrupt – and carbon dating can only date things which decay.
Prior to the middle ages, reports of the shroud exist as the Image of Edessa – reliably reported since at least the 4th century. In addition, another cloth (the Sudarium) known even from biblical times (John 20:7) exists which is said to have covered Christ’s head in the tomb. A 1999 study by Mark Guscin, a member of the multidisciplinary investigation team of the Spanish Center for Sindonology, investigated the relationship between the two cloths. Based on history, forensic pathology, blood chemistry (the Sudarium also is reported to have type AB blood stains), and stain patterns, he concluded that the two cloths covered the same head at two distinct, but close moments of time. Avinoam Danin (a researcher at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem) concurred with this analysis, adding that the pollen grains in the Sudarium match those of the shroud.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
10 MADD UNSOLVED MYSTERIES....
MACHEDO MAX’S 21 MAD FACTS
MACHEDO MAX’S 21 MAD FACTS
1. If you are ONE in a million in China, there are 1,300 people just like you.
2. China will soon become the NUMBER ONE English speaking country in the world.
3. The 25% of Indian’s population with the highest IQ’s, is greater than the total population of the United States?....which means India has more honor kids than America has kids!
4. The top 10 in-demand jobs in 2010, did not exist in 2004.
5. We are currently preparing students for jobs that don’t yet exist, using technologies that haven’t been invented, in order to solve problems we don’t even know are problems yet!
6. The US department of Labor estimates that today’s learner will have 10-14 jobs by the age of 38.
7. 1 in 4 workers has been with their current employer for less than year. 1 in 2 has been there less than five years.
8. 1 out of 8 couples married in the US last year met online.
9. There are over 200 million registered users on My Space. If My Space were a country, it would be the 5th largest in the world (between Indonesia and Brazil).
10. The #1 ranked country in Broadband Internet Penetration is Bermuda. #19 The United States. #22 Japan.
11. We are living in exponential times. There are 31 Billion searches on Google every month. In 2006, this number was 2.7 Billion.
12. The first commercial text message was sent in December of 1992. Today, the number of text messages sent and received everyday exceeds the total population of the planet.
13. Years it took to reach a market audience of 50 million:
• Radio – 38 years.
• TV – 13 years
• Internet – 4 years
• Ipod – 3 years
• Facebook – 2 years
14. The number of internet devices in
• 1984 was 1,000
• 1992 was 1,000,000
• 2008 was 1,000,000,000
15. The are about 540,000 words in the English Language. About 5X as many as during Shakespeare’s time.
16. It is estimated that a week’s worth of the New York Times contains more information than a person was likely to come across in a lifetime in the 18th century.
17. It is estimated that 4 exabytes (4.0X10 raised to the power of 19) of unique information will be generated this year. That is more than the previous 5,000 years.
18. The amount of new technical information is doubling every 2 years. For students starting a 4 year technical degree this means that….half of what they learn in their first year of study will be outdated by their third year of study.
19. NTT Japan has successfully tested a fiber optic cable that pushes 14 trillion bits per second down a single stand of fiber. That is 2,660 CD’s or 210 million phone calls every second. It is currently tripling every six months and is expected to do so for the next 20 years.
20. By 2013, a supercomputer will be built that exceeds the computational capabilities of the human brain. Predictions are that by 2049 a $1,000 computer will exceed the computational capabilities of the entire human species.
21. By the time you took to read this,
• 67 babies were born in the US
• 274 babies were born in China
• 395 babies were born in India
• 694,000 songs were downloaded illegally
1. If you are ONE in a million in China, there are 1,300 people just like you.
2. China will soon become the NUMBER ONE English speaking country in the world.
3. The 25% of Indian’s population with the highest IQ’s, is greater than the total population of the United States?....which means India has more honor kids than America has kids!
4. The top 10 in-demand jobs in 2010, did not exist in 2004.
5. We are currently preparing students for jobs that don’t yet exist, using technologies that haven’t been invented, in order to solve problems we don’t even know are problems yet!
6. The US department of Labor estimates that today’s learner will have 10-14 jobs by the age of 38.
7. 1 in 4 workers has been with their current employer for less than year. 1 in 2 has been there less than five years.
8. 1 out of 8 couples married in the US last year met online.
9. There are over 200 million registered users on My Space. If My Space were a country, it would be the 5th largest in the world (between Indonesia and Brazil).
10. The #1 ranked country in Broadband Internet Penetration is Bermuda. #19 The United States. #22 Japan.
11. We are living in exponential times. There are 31 Billion searches on Google every month. In 2006, this number was 2.7 Billion.
12. The first commercial text message was sent in December of 1992. Today, the number of text messages sent and received everyday exceeds the total population of the planet.
13. Years it took to reach a market audience of 50 million:
• Radio – 38 years.
• TV – 13 years
• Internet – 4 years
• Ipod – 3 years
• Facebook – 2 years
14. The number of internet devices in
• 1984 was 1,000
• 1992 was 1,000,000
• 2008 was 1,000,000,000
15. The are about 540,000 words in the English Language. About 5X as many as during Shakespeare’s time.
16. It is estimated that a week’s worth of the New York Times contains more information than a person was likely to come across in a lifetime in the 18th century.
17. It is estimated that 4 exabytes (4.0X10 raised to the power of 19) of unique information will be generated this year. That is more than the previous 5,000 years.
18. The amount of new technical information is doubling every 2 years. For students starting a 4 year technical degree this means that….half of what they learn in their first year of study will be outdated by their third year of study.
19. NTT Japan has successfully tested a fiber optic cable that pushes 14 trillion bits per second down a single stand of fiber. That is 2,660 CD’s or 210 million phone calls every second. It is currently tripling every six months and is expected to do so for the next 20 years.
20. By 2013, a supercomputer will be built that exceeds the computational capabilities of the human brain. Predictions are that by 2049 a $1,000 computer will exceed the computational capabilities of the entire human species.
21. By the time you took to read this,
• 67 babies were born in the US
• 274 babies were born in China
• 395 babies were born in India
• 694,000 songs were downloaded illegally
One of the most thought provoking speeches I have ever heard!
"Have Breakfast… or…Be Breakfast!"
By
Y. L. R. MOORTHI
[Management Views from IIMB is an exclusive column written every two weeks for india.wsj.com by faculty members of the Indian Institute of Management Bangalore.]
Who sells the largest number of cameras in India?
Your guess is likely to be Sony, Canon or Nikon. Answer is none of the above. The winner is Nokia whose main line of business in India is not cameras but cell phones.
Reason being cameras bundled with cellphones are outselling stand alone cameras. Now, what prevents the cellphone from replacing the camera outright? Nothing at all. One can only hope the Sonys and Canons are taking note.
Try this. Who is the biggest in music business in India? You think it is HMV Sa-Re-Ga-Ma? Sorry. The answer is Airtel. By selling caller tunes (that play for 30 seconds) Airtel makes more than what music companies make by selling music albums (that run for hours).
Incidentally Airtel is not in music business. It is the mobile service provider with the largest subscriber base in India. That sort of competitor is difficult to detect, even more difficult to beat (by the time you have identified him he has already gone past you). But if you imagine that Nokia and Bharti (Airtel's parent) are breathing easy you can't be farther from truth.
Nokia confessed that they all but missed the smartphone bus. They admit that Apple's Iphone and Google's Android can make life difficult in future. But you never thought Google was a mobile company, did you? If these illustrations mean anything, there is a bigger game unfolding. It is not so much about mobile or music or camera or emails?
The "Mahabharat" (the great Indian epic battle) is about "what is tomorrow's personal digital device"? Will it be a souped up mobile or a palmtop with a telephone? All these are little wars that add up to that big battle. Hiding behind all these wars is a gem of a question – "who is my competitor?"
Once in a while, to intrigue my students I toss a question at them. It says "What Apple did to Sony, Sony did to Kodak, explain?" The smart ones get the answer almost immediately. Sony defined its market as audio (music from the walkman). They never expected an IT company like Apple to encroach into their audio domain. Come to think of it, is it really surprising? Apple as a computer maker has both audio and video capabilities. So what made Sony think he won't compete on pure audio? "Elementary Watson". So also Kodak defined its business as film cameras, Sony defines its businesses as "digital."
In digital camera the two markets perfectly meshed. Kodak was torn between going digital and sacrificing money on camera film or staying with films and getting left behind in digital technology. Left undecided it lost in both. It had to. It did not ask the question "who is my competitor for tomorrow?" The same was true for IBM whose mainframe revenue prevented it from seeing the PC. The same was true of Bill Gates who declared "internet is a fad!" and then turned around to bundle the browser with windows to bury Netscape. The point is not who is today's competitor. Today's competitor is obvious. Tomorrow's is not.
In 2008, who was the toughest competitor to British Airways in India? Singapore airlines? Better still, Indian airlines? Maybe, but there are better answers. There are competitors that can hurt all these airlines and others not mentioned. The answer is videoconferencing and telepresence services of HP and Cisco. Travel dropped due to recession. Senior IT executives in India and abroad were compelled by their head quarters to use videoconferencing to shrink travel budget. So much so, that the mad scramble for American visas from Indian techies was nowhere in sight in 2008. (India has a quota of something like 65,000 visas to the U.S. They were going a-begging. Blame it on recession!). So far so good. But to think that the airlines will be back in business post recession is something I would not bet on. In short term yes. In long term a resounding no. Remember, if there is one place where Newton's law of gravity is applicable besides physics it is in electronic hardware. Between 1977 and 1991 the prices of the now dead VCR (parent of Blue-Ray disc player) crashed to one-third of its original level in India. PC's price dropped from hundreds of thousands of rupees to tens of thousands. If this trend repeats then telepresence prices will also crash. Imagine the fate of airlines then. As it is not many are making money. Then it will surely be RIP!
India has two passions. Films and cricket. The two markets were distinctly different. So were the icons. The cricket gods were Sachin and Sehwag. The filmi gods were the Khans (Aamir Khan, Shah Rukh Khan and the other Khans who followed suit). That was, when cricket was fundamentally test cricket or at best 50 over cricket. Then came IPL and the two markets collapsed into one. IPL brought cricket down to 20 overs. Suddenly an IPL match was reduced to the length of a 3 hour movie. Cricket became film's competitor. On the eve of IPL matches movie halls ran empty. Desperate multiplex owners requisitioned the rights for screening IPL matches at movie halls to hang on to the audience. If IPL were to become the mainstay of cricket, as it is likely to be, films have to sequence their releases so as not clash with IPL matches. As far as the audience is concerned both are what in India are called 3 hour "tamasha" (entertainment) . Cricket season might push films out of the market.
Look at the products that vanished from India in the last 20 years. When did you last see a black and white movie? When did you last use a fountain pen? When did you last type on a typewriter? The answer for all the above is "I don't remember!" For some time there was a mild substitute for the typewriter called electronic typewriter that had limited memory. Then came the computer and mowed them all. Today most technologically challenged guys like me use the computer as an upgraded typewriter. Typewriters per se are nowhere to be seen.
One last illustration. 20 years back what were Indians using to wake them up in the morning? The answer is "alarm clock." The alarm clock was a monster made of mechanical springs. It had to be physically keyed every day to keep it running. It made so much noise by way of alarm, that it woke you up and the rest of the colony. Then came quartz clocks which were sleeker. They were much more gentle though still quaintly called "alarms." What do we use today for waking up in the morning? Cellphone! An entire industry of clocks disappeared without warning thanks to cell phones. Big watch companies like Titan were the losers. You never know in which bush your competitor is hiding!
On a lighter vein, who are the competitors for authors? Joke spewing machines? (Steve Wozniak, the co-founder of Apple, himself a Pole, tagged a Polish joke telling machine to a telephone much to the mirth of Silicon Valley). Or will the competition be story telling robots? Future is scary! The boss of an IT company once said something interesting about the animal called competition. He said "Have breakfast …or…. be breakfast"! That sums it up rather neatly.
—Dr. Y. L. R. Moorthi is a professor at the Indian Institute of Management Bangalore. He is an M.Tech from Indian Institute of Technology, Madras and a post graduate in management from IIM, Bangalore.
By
Y. L. R. MOORTHI
[Management Views from IIMB is an exclusive column written every two weeks for india.wsj.com by faculty members of the Indian Institute of Management Bangalore.]
Who sells the largest number of cameras in India?
Your guess is likely to be Sony, Canon or Nikon. Answer is none of the above. The winner is Nokia whose main line of business in India is not cameras but cell phones.
Reason being cameras bundled with cellphones are outselling stand alone cameras. Now, what prevents the cellphone from replacing the camera outright? Nothing at all. One can only hope the Sonys and Canons are taking note.
Try this. Who is the biggest in music business in India? You think it is HMV Sa-Re-Ga-Ma? Sorry. The answer is Airtel. By selling caller tunes (that play for 30 seconds) Airtel makes more than what music companies make by selling music albums (that run for hours).
Incidentally Airtel is not in music business. It is the mobile service provider with the largest subscriber base in India. That sort of competitor is difficult to detect, even more difficult to beat (by the time you have identified him he has already gone past you). But if you imagine that Nokia and Bharti (Airtel's parent) are breathing easy you can't be farther from truth.
Nokia confessed that they all but missed the smartphone bus. They admit that Apple's Iphone and Google's Android can make life difficult in future. But you never thought Google was a mobile company, did you? If these illustrations mean anything, there is a bigger game unfolding. It is not so much about mobile or music or camera or emails?
The "Mahabharat" (the great Indian epic battle) is about "what is tomorrow's personal digital device"? Will it be a souped up mobile or a palmtop with a telephone? All these are little wars that add up to that big battle. Hiding behind all these wars is a gem of a question – "who is my competitor?"
Once in a while, to intrigue my students I toss a question at them. It says "What Apple did to Sony, Sony did to Kodak, explain?" The smart ones get the answer almost immediately. Sony defined its market as audio (music from the walkman). They never expected an IT company like Apple to encroach into their audio domain. Come to think of it, is it really surprising? Apple as a computer maker has both audio and video capabilities. So what made Sony think he won't compete on pure audio? "Elementary Watson". So also Kodak defined its business as film cameras, Sony defines its businesses as "digital."
In digital camera the two markets perfectly meshed. Kodak was torn between going digital and sacrificing money on camera film or staying with films and getting left behind in digital technology. Left undecided it lost in both. It had to. It did not ask the question "who is my competitor for tomorrow?" The same was true for IBM whose mainframe revenue prevented it from seeing the PC. The same was true of Bill Gates who declared "internet is a fad!" and then turned around to bundle the browser with windows to bury Netscape. The point is not who is today's competitor. Today's competitor is obvious. Tomorrow's is not.
In 2008, who was the toughest competitor to British Airways in India? Singapore airlines? Better still, Indian airlines? Maybe, but there are better answers. There are competitors that can hurt all these airlines and others not mentioned. The answer is videoconferencing and telepresence services of HP and Cisco. Travel dropped due to recession. Senior IT executives in India and abroad were compelled by their head quarters to use videoconferencing to shrink travel budget. So much so, that the mad scramble for American visas from Indian techies was nowhere in sight in 2008. (India has a quota of something like 65,000 visas to the U.S. They were going a-begging. Blame it on recession!). So far so good. But to think that the airlines will be back in business post recession is something I would not bet on. In short term yes. In long term a resounding no. Remember, if there is one place where Newton's law of gravity is applicable besides physics it is in electronic hardware. Between 1977 and 1991 the prices of the now dead VCR (parent of Blue-Ray disc player) crashed to one-third of its original level in India. PC's price dropped from hundreds of thousands of rupees to tens of thousands. If this trend repeats then telepresence prices will also crash. Imagine the fate of airlines then. As it is not many are making money. Then it will surely be RIP!
India has two passions. Films and cricket. The two markets were distinctly different. So were the icons. The cricket gods were Sachin and Sehwag. The filmi gods were the Khans (Aamir Khan, Shah Rukh Khan and the other Khans who followed suit). That was, when cricket was fundamentally test cricket or at best 50 over cricket. Then came IPL and the two markets collapsed into one. IPL brought cricket down to 20 overs. Suddenly an IPL match was reduced to the length of a 3 hour movie. Cricket became film's competitor. On the eve of IPL matches movie halls ran empty. Desperate multiplex owners requisitioned the rights for screening IPL matches at movie halls to hang on to the audience. If IPL were to become the mainstay of cricket, as it is likely to be, films have to sequence their releases so as not clash with IPL matches. As far as the audience is concerned both are what in India are called 3 hour "tamasha" (entertainment) . Cricket season might push films out of the market.
Look at the products that vanished from India in the last 20 years. When did you last see a black and white movie? When did you last use a fountain pen? When did you last type on a typewriter? The answer for all the above is "I don't remember!" For some time there was a mild substitute for the typewriter called electronic typewriter that had limited memory. Then came the computer and mowed them all. Today most technologically challenged guys like me use the computer as an upgraded typewriter. Typewriters per se are nowhere to be seen.
One last illustration. 20 years back what were Indians using to wake them up in the morning? The answer is "alarm clock." The alarm clock was a monster made of mechanical springs. It had to be physically keyed every day to keep it running. It made so much noise by way of alarm, that it woke you up and the rest of the colony. Then came quartz clocks which were sleeker. They were much more gentle though still quaintly called "alarms." What do we use today for waking up in the morning? Cellphone! An entire industry of clocks disappeared without warning thanks to cell phones. Big watch companies like Titan were the losers. You never know in which bush your competitor is hiding!
On a lighter vein, who are the competitors for authors? Joke spewing machines? (Steve Wozniak, the co-founder of Apple, himself a Pole, tagged a Polish joke telling machine to a telephone much to the mirth of Silicon Valley). Or will the competition be story telling robots? Future is scary! The boss of an IT company once said something interesting about the animal called competition. He said "Have breakfast …or…. be breakfast"! That sums it up rather neatly.
—Dr. Y. L. R. Moorthi is a professor at the Indian Institute of Management Bangalore. He is an M.Tech from Indian Institute of Technology, Madras and a post graduate in management from IIM, Bangalore.
Im 33 years old – Part 1
Im 33 years old
Wow.
33.
Can you believe that???
33.
Hmm..
33 in my younger days was like uncle.
It was like old.
It was something like hearing my parents would say ‘Don’t talk when elders are talking’
Bloody hell.
Funny as shit.
Don’t ask me which shit.
Just shit.
The kind of shit that when you look back – You have to admit the inevitable.
The absolute shocking truth.
Yes, I am 33 years old....
Sounds more like sin.
Some terrible sin.
God!
What happened?
I mean what happened to all those years?
Where did they go?
Where did the just ‘vanish’?
I mean as far as I can remember, I was in school.
The next thing I know I was in high school.
in college – enjoying a new sense of freedom.
The first job….the first time I got a blow job
(only to realize how important it is to be super hygienic for the poor female – that is provided you want her to give you another blow job – but that’s another story again….)
The days of adventure and craziness…
Of wanna be a grown up….
that thrill of time….
WZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
And now…
Now…..I am 33 years old….
God Lord….
I mean is there an end to this age nonsense…..
I don’t know what to say….
I mean I can blurt out something positive like….
Say…
Yes – AGE IS BUT (yes BUTT) A NUMBER
TAH – DAH.
And then hopefully wait for an applause.
*waiting*
*waiting in absolute silence as I can hear 2 cockroaches mating in the background*
No applause.
Nothing.
I mean what is there to applaud?
Just the sad fact of ‘Yes….I am 33 years old’…
So…now is there anything intellectual about this….this fact of being 33 years old?
Am I going to start with the classic depressive yet contemplative statement….
So whats the meaning of life?....
Where am I headed?.....
What is my purpose in life?.....
Or something cheesy like ‘GOD’ (yes, when we get no other excuse we begin with another dramatic opening like GOD did this and GOD did that…..)
Nope.
Will not do that.
So what is the point of writing this note of….
I am 33 years old?
What?
(after taking a deep breath and thinking….)
I don’t know man.
I honestly don’t know.
All I know is the few lessons I have learnt over the period of time.
They are more like the relationships we have.
Some are plain sexual.
Some are meaningful.
Some are hurtful.
Some are .....which should never have happened the first place...
So just like them....
They are my experiences with a woman called life.....
(or in your case...a man called life)
How true they are for others, I don’t know.
How true they are for me….well I still don’t know.
But what I do know is that….
These so called ‘truths’ that I have made up on the way….
Form the core of what I do and believe…..
They are my small tiny gems of wisdom….
Should I share them for free?
Okay....
Then let me put it this way….
If you have had the patience to read this whole note from up there….
To down here…..
You and I share a strange connection….
Strange enough for me to share these thoughts with you in the next note….
So what are you thoughts about this note?
Did it make sense?
Let me know…..
And you will be the first to know when I send my next note titled….
Im 33 years old – Part 2.
Wow.
33.
Can you believe that???
33.
Hmm..
33 in my younger days was like uncle.
It was like old.
It was something like hearing my parents would say ‘Don’t talk when elders are talking’
Bloody hell.
Funny as shit.
Don’t ask me which shit.
Just shit.
The kind of shit that when you look back – You have to admit the inevitable.
The absolute shocking truth.
Yes, I am 33 years old....
Sounds more like sin.
Some terrible sin.
God!
What happened?
I mean what happened to all those years?
Where did they go?
Where did the just ‘vanish’?
I mean as far as I can remember, I was in school.
The next thing I know I was in high school.
in college – enjoying a new sense of freedom.
The first job….the first time I got a blow job
(only to realize how important it is to be super hygienic for the poor female – that is provided you want her to give you another blow job – but that’s another story again….)
The days of adventure and craziness…
Of wanna be a grown up….
that thrill of time….
WZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
And now…
Now…..I am 33 years old….
God Lord….
I mean is there an end to this age nonsense…..
I don’t know what to say….
I mean I can blurt out something positive like….
Say…
Yes – AGE IS BUT (yes BUTT) A NUMBER
TAH – DAH.
And then hopefully wait for an applause.
*waiting*
*waiting in absolute silence as I can hear 2 cockroaches mating in the background*
No applause.
Nothing.
I mean what is there to applaud?
Just the sad fact of ‘Yes….I am 33 years old’…
So…now is there anything intellectual about this….this fact of being 33 years old?
Am I going to start with the classic depressive yet contemplative statement….
So whats the meaning of life?....
Where am I headed?.....
What is my purpose in life?.....
Or something cheesy like ‘GOD’ (yes, when we get no other excuse we begin with another dramatic opening like GOD did this and GOD did that…..)
Nope.
Will not do that.
So what is the point of writing this note of….
I am 33 years old?
What?
(after taking a deep breath and thinking….)
I don’t know man.
I honestly don’t know.
All I know is the few lessons I have learnt over the period of time.
They are more like the relationships we have.
Some are plain sexual.
Some are meaningful.
Some are hurtful.
Some are .....which should never have happened the first place...
So just like them....
They are my experiences with a woman called life.....
(or in your case...a man called life)
How true they are for others, I don’t know.
How true they are for me….well I still don’t know.
But what I do know is that….
These so called ‘truths’ that I have made up on the way….
Form the core of what I do and believe…..
They are my small tiny gems of wisdom….
Should I share them for free?
Okay....
Then let me put it this way….
If you have had the patience to read this whole note from up there….
To down here…..
You and I share a strange connection….
Strange enough for me to share these thoughts with you in the next note….
So what are you thoughts about this note?
Did it make sense?
Let me know…..
And you will be the first to know when I send my next note titled….
Im 33 years old – Part 2.
WOMEN BEING EQUAL TO MEN???? THE BIGGEST JOKE OF THE MODERN ERA!
Men versus women - Who is superior.
Remember this shit?
1) Ladies first?
2) At a bank or counter - Please give way to pregnant ladies and old age women?
3) Open the door for the lady?
4) Man pay during the date?
5) Man should be the head of the house or Man wears the pants?
6) During a fight the ‘Man’ should step forward and protect his woman?
Have you ever heard of….er…
1) Men first…Ladies wait? OR
2) At a bank or counter - Please give way to pregnant men and old age men while women please wait? OR
3) Lady opening the door for the guy? OR
4) Lady pay during the date with a man? OR
5) Woman should be the head of the house or woman wears the pants? OR
6) During a fight the ‘Woman’ should step forward and protect her Man?
You cunts find that funny or realisitic?
Let me give you some regular bullshit that goes on in our times today.
• Men and women are equal .
• Women should be treated as well as men.
• Women and men should be given equal rights.
• Men and women should be given equal opportunity.
Yaddaa
Yaddaa
Yaddaa
Blah blah blah.
Now I am not here to please you
So get that straight.
First things first.
Who has a dick?
Man.
Who has a hole?
Woman.
When fucking who has the risk of getting pregnant?
Er..do I need to spell it out?
The bitch.
So now
When you fucking know that it’s a woman who gets to take the shit
Then who has to take more care?
Whom the parent is more worried of?
Whom has to take the bloody brunt of looking after the kid, bloating up like a constipated cow that has not shat in 2 years, getting weaker than a lump of clay and having to take care both of her health and the childs health because its fragile?
Who?
It is Mr. Dick?
No.
Its Mr. Pussy
Yes
Yes
It feels noble to say
She is the stronger one BECAUSE she is taking the pain of the child.
She is the stronger one BECAUSE she undergoes physical pain of a leaky bloody faucet
She is the stronger one BECAUSE she nurtures the child
She is the stronger one BECAUSE she has undergone torture and still survived
She is the stronger one BECAUSE she is a mother.
YAWN
Not just YAWN
FUCKING YAWN
A YAWN AS BIG AS THE FUCKING HIPPOPOTAMUS’S MOUTH
Listen bitch
We are men
We have testosterone
We have religion backing us (and some happily telling us to marry 4 times)
We are stronger
We are hunters (from past and today)
We wear the fucking pants
We dominated the bloody world since donkey’s ages and even today…and just because you got some shitty few constipated sad stories like Helen Keller, Mother T, Maggie the fucking Brit Waggie and that black woman who refused to give her tattered seat to a white racist mother fucker – does not imply because of say 10 (just to give you a bigger number) the rest of the 10 billion inferior race of women who lived on this fucking planet become ‘SUPERIOR’.
LISTEN CAREFULLY NOW…
History proves it.
Statistics prove it.
Numbers prove it.
Reality proves it.
Then what the fuck are you ‘assuming’?
Just because you can now ‘smoke’, ‘drink’, earn a few ‘measly’ dollars which are nothing compared to what we men are earning….does that make you superior???
Physically – we men dominate you bitches miles apart!
Intellectually – I see 1 fucking woman in 1000 men – So DHUH – Go figure!
Financially – I see fucking men everywhere with a woman to cook in the fucking kitchen and take care of the dishes!
So what the fuck are you bitches talking about?
It’s a fact that no matter what you inferior creatures do, in the end Men rule the world.
Even when you have a daughter to date – you would want her to date a MAN and not a pansy dick head who needs protection by your daughter!
Read the first few lines and prove me wrong?
Can you?
NO!
You can blabber and talk all the shit you want.
Give the most pathetic excuses of a life time
But facts remain facts.
No matter what you women do
You are second to men.
So now comes the part where we have to wonder….
Where in the world are women superior to men or equal to men?
Where?
Tell me where the fuck?
I want to see you women do some thinking – That is provided you ho’s have brains…
Think hard and comment…
Let me see your pathetic excuses for a reason!
Listen bitch…
The fact is this…
Life was unfair…
God was unfair…
Nature was unfair…
We men are made this way and we shall forever be made this way…
You women were made this way and you shall forever be this way…
So women – SHUT UP AND EAT HUMBLE FUCKING PIE!
WE MEN ARE THE SUPERIOR RACE!
PERIOD!
Remember this shit?
1) Ladies first?
2) At a bank or counter - Please give way to pregnant ladies and old age women?
3) Open the door for the lady?
4) Man pay during the date?
5) Man should be the head of the house or Man wears the pants?
6) During a fight the ‘Man’ should step forward and protect his woman?
Have you ever heard of….er…
1) Men first…Ladies wait? OR
2) At a bank or counter - Please give way to pregnant men and old age men while women please wait? OR
3) Lady opening the door for the guy? OR
4) Lady pay during the date with a man? OR
5) Woman should be the head of the house or woman wears the pants? OR
6) During a fight the ‘Woman’ should step forward and protect her Man?
You cunts find that funny or realisitic?
Let me give you some regular bullshit that goes on in our times today.
• Men and women are equal .
• Women should be treated as well as men.
• Women and men should be given equal rights.
• Men and women should be given equal opportunity.
Yaddaa
Yaddaa
Yaddaa
Blah blah blah.
Now I am not here to please you
So get that straight.
First things first.
Who has a dick?
Man.
Who has a hole?
Woman.
When fucking who has the risk of getting pregnant?
Er..do I need to spell it out?
The bitch.
So now
When you fucking know that it’s a woman who gets to take the shit
Then who has to take more care?
Whom the parent is more worried of?
Whom has to take the bloody brunt of looking after the kid, bloating up like a constipated cow that has not shat in 2 years, getting weaker than a lump of clay and having to take care both of her health and the childs health because its fragile?
Who?
It is Mr. Dick?
No.
Its Mr. Pussy
Yes
Yes
It feels noble to say
She is the stronger one BECAUSE she is taking the pain of the child.
She is the stronger one BECAUSE she undergoes physical pain of a leaky bloody faucet
She is the stronger one BECAUSE she nurtures the child
She is the stronger one BECAUSE she has undergone torture and still survived
She is the stronger one BECAUSE she is a mother.
YAWN
Not just YAWN
FUCKING YAWN
A YAWN AS BIG AS THE FUCKING HIPPOPOTAMUS’S MOUTH
Listen bitch
We are men
We have testosterone
We have religion backing us (and some happily telling us to marry 4 times)
We are stronger
We are hunters (from past and today)
We wear the fucking pants
We dominated the bloody world since donkey’s ages and even today…and just because you got some shitty few constipated sad stories like Helen Keller, Mother T, Maggie the fucking Brit Waggie and that black woman who refused to give her tattered seat to a white racist mother fucker – does not imply because of say 10 (just to give you a bigger number) the rest of the 10 billion inferior race of women who lived on this fucking planet become ‘SUPERIOR’.
LISTEN CAREFULLY NOW…
History proves it.
Statistics prove it.
Numbers prove it.
Reality proves it.
Then what the fuck are you ‘assuming’?
Just because you can now ‘smoke’, ‘drink’, earn a few ‘measly’ dollars which are nothing compared to what we men are earning….does that make you superior???
Physically – we men dominate you bitches miles apart!
Intellectually – I see 1 fucking woman in 1000 men – So DHUH – Go figure!
Financially – I see fucking men everywhere with a woman to cook in the fucking kitchen and take care of the dishes!
So what the fuck are you bitches talking about?
It’s a fact that no matter what you inferior creatures do, in the end Men rule the world.
Even when you have a daughter to date – you would want her to date a MAN and not a pansy dick head who needs protection by your daughter!
Read the first few lines and prove me wrong?
Can you?
NO!
You can blabber and talk all the shit you want.
Give the most pathetic excuses of a life time
But facts remain facts.
No matter what you women do
You are second to men.
So now comes the part where we have to wonder….
Where in the world are women superior to men or equal to men?
Where?
Tell me where the fuck?
I want to see you women do some thinking – That is provided you ho’s have brains…
Think hard and comment…
Let me see your pathetic excuses for a reason!
Listen bitch…
The fact is this…
Life was unfair…
God was unfair…
Nature was unfair…
We men are made this way and we shall forever be made this way…
You women were made this way and you shall forever be this way…
So women – SHUT UP AND EAT HUMBLE FUCKING PIE!
WE MEN ARE THE SUPERIOR RACE!
PERIOD!
THOUGHT PROVOKING QUOTES ON 'MIDDLE AGE' by MADD MACHEDO MAX (part 1)
1. Childhood - The time of life when you make funny faces in the mirror. Middle Age - The time of life when the mirror gets even with you - Mickey Mansfield
2. You’re over the hill when you feel like the morning after and you can swear you haven’t been anywhere – Laurence J. Peter
3. Middle Age is when you get white hairs from worrying about your wrinkles – Pam Brown
4. Middle Age is when you know all the answers…..and nobody asks you the questions – Bob Philips
5. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he is too old to go anywhere – Joey Adams.
6. Middle age is when you’re at that age when everything Mother Nature gave you, Father Time is taking away – Milton Berle
7. Middle Age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald….they don’t even recognize you – Bennet Cerf
8. Middle Age is when you suddenly find that your parents are old, your kids are grown up………and you haven’t changed – Fred Shoenberg.
9. Middle Age is when you know you’re getting old and everything hurts…..and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t normally work – Bob Hope
10. You know you are Middle Aged when…..the dog lets you get to the stick first – Bill Stott
2. You’re over the hill when you feel like the morning after and you can swear you haven’t been anywhere – Laurence J. Peter
3. Middle Age is when you get white hairs from worrying about your wrinkles – Pam Brown
4. Middle Age is when you know all the answers…..and nobody asks you the questions – Bob Philips
5. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he is too old to go anywhere – Joey Adams.
6. Middle age is when you’re at that age when everything Mother Nature gave you, Father Time is taking away – Milton Berle
7. Middle Age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald….they don’t even recognize you – Bennet Cerf
8. Middle Age is when you suddenly find that your parents are old, your kids are grown up………and you haven’t changed – Fred Shoenberg.
9. Middle Age is when you know you’re getting old and everything hurts…..and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t normally work – Bob Hope
10. You know you are Middle Aged when…..the dog lets you get to the stick first – Bill Stott
MY OPINION ON GOD, FUCK AND EVERYTHING ELSE (MATURE READERS ONLY)
WARNING
This is an essay STRICTLY for a mature audience.
If you are sensitive, young or religious - please do me a favor and either
1) NOT read this OR
2) Delete me from the list of your friends.
These are my views and I am expressing them.
If you cannot handle a 'no-holds-barred' conversation,
Please be my guest and get the hell out of my life and my facebook page and my friends list.
Thank you
and
Fuck you.
If you do continue to read....You are reading it at YOUR OWN RISK and then its your fucking problem because you are a curious piece of shit!
READ ON!
I am pissed.
Pissed. Pissed. Pissed.
Fucking pissed.
You know why?
Because there is so much of shit going around.
Too much.
I mean if you look around you will see what I mean.
Want to know what I mean?
Lets start with the most amazing piece of shit crap nonsense we all hear.
Its called ‘God’ and ‘Religion’
Yeah.
Ooo
Did I touch your sensitive clitoris region?
Did you feel bad?
Oh, then I should apologize – shouldn’t I?
Okay then let me.
Lets start.
Fuck you
Fuck your god
Fuck your gods ass
And fuck your gods ass so bad that your dick comes out of his mouth though his asshole.
Good enough?
Nice to know.
Man, get fucking real.
I mean what the fuck is all this?
You are what?
A Hindu Pindu?
A Muslim fanatic?
Or a Alcoholic, Sex-crazed, Pathetic life form called ‘Christian’?
Or some other cheap shit religion that God alone knows if it is worth talking about?
So whatever the fuck you follow – I give a dam to it.
But let me get to the point.
AND I WANT YOU TO OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYE BALLS AND READ IT CLEAR
This is all but a bloody fucked up identity
You get it???
A bloody label.
Something where you can identify with your ‘Christian’ Brothers or your ‘Muslim’ Brothers.
I mean when are we ever going to grow up???
When?
This bullshit of religion is so stinking crappy.
Even today they teach us crap and they make us do crap.
I don’t know about your fucked up religion but I can tell you what shit they taught me.
Want to hear?
Here goes.
Let me share 2 measly ones.
1) If you accept Jesus as Lord and Savior, you will be saved.
2) Ask and your shall receive.
3) On the last day, you will be judged. (or some shit like that)
Now lets starts with number – 1
Does that mean if I am born as a Muslim – then I am not saved?
Does not mean all the other Hindus as going to die in hell?
Oh fuck you all you mother fucking sons of bitches and the fucking catholic fuck of a Church.
The truth is – Yes I do fear God.
Yes there are lines I will not cross because I DO BELIEVE IN HIM AND I AM SCARED OF HIM – though I have never met such a being – But I believe he does exist.
But having said that I mean do you fucking expect me to believe just because someone is a non-Jesus voter – he is Mr. Bad guy?
The same goes for the other religions – You want to meet some fanatics – Try an Arab Muslim. Trust me – forget a bomb blast, he will rip your balls out if you dare speak anything about his religion – and I have seen even the most peaceful guys become fanatics!
Coming back to the point number 2
Ask and you shall receive.
Now let me give you an example here…
I have seeking a girl to marry.
I don’t get it.
So a nice ‘Christian’ comes and tells me ‘pray’ and you will get it.
I pray.
After a year, I still don’t get it.
So I go back to this asshole
And what does he tell me –
Brother, God will give it to you in ‘due time’.
Or his excuse number 2 would be….
‘God knows what is good for us – He provides for his children’.
WOW
So in both the ways,
My ass is fucked anyways right????
So if I don’t get it – God is right.
And if I do get it – God is right again.
I mean – do you need a 6 year old to tell me this is fucking nuts???
And finally point number fucking 3.
If you do bad, you will be judged and all that bollocks.
Do you see bad people having a ‘bad’ time?
Really…tell me?
Do you?
A guy broke your heart, your fucking life, your scared foundation….
Got you fucking pregnant, took all your money, used you and dumped you like a tampon
So is he fucking suffering???
Is he?
NO!
He is still fucking another bitch and he is enjoying his fucking life you fat, over-sized religious cunt!!!
GET A LIFE!!!
Jesus Christ aint coming down on a horsey to beat up this guy!
He is busy with his work!
YOU HAVE TO KICK HIS FUCKING ASS
Or
Option number 2
Is
MOVE THE FUCK ON!!!
I mean what wrong with people here????
I get pissed when I meet people like this.
And even more pissed when people whom I love and care act like this shit.
And there are still more shitty stuff that piss me off
Like most of the mother fuckers who put on a good image ‘outside’ but are assholes on the inside.
Bastards who show they are faithful to their spouses but are fucking a 200$ whore on holidays
Cunts called women who expect to marry a ‘rich’, ‘nice’, ‘god-fearing’, ‘UK or US based’ boy toy so that their fucking fungus infested pussy can be worshipped and have a cosy life for the rest of their God dam life – FUCK YOU WHORES. HOPE YOU GET A FUCKING LOSER!!!
I hate all those people who think they are the ‘authorities’ to judge others because they are ‘decent’ or have ‘accomplished’ something in life.
FUCK YOU ALL!
In the end I just want to tell you this……
…..
USE YOUR FUCKING GOD GIVEN COMMON SENSE MAN.
Please.
Use your fucking God given common sense man.
You have one fucking life.
Live it sensibly without all this shit society teaches you.
We live in a world of hypocrisy and nonsense.
Put some sense in your bloody life and make something worth while out of it.
You have one life.
Live that life with happiness and peace.
And if nothing else…
Pray to a God who does not live in the sky….
But somewhere deep down…..
So deep that you know he exists and is real….
And so real
You don’t know need any book,
Any religion, Any asshole to tell you…
That he knows this guy ‘God’ more than you do.
Let him be you…
And you be him..
And if nothing else…
Just know that you are that God.
The master of your own life.
And the one who though cannot control everything else….
At least controls himself.
Amen.
This is an essay STRICTLY for a mature audience.
If you are sensitive, young or religious - please do me a favor and either
1) NOT read this OR
2) Delete me from the list of your friends.
These are my views and I am expressing them.
If you cannot handle a 'no-holds-barred' conversation,
Please be my guest and get the hell out of my life and my facebook page and my friends list.
Thank you
and
Fuck you.
If you do continue to read....You are reading it at YOUR OWN RISK and then its your fucking problem because you are a curious piece of shit!
READ ON!
I am pissed.
Pissed. Pissed. Pissed.
Fucking pissed.
You know why?
Because there is so much of shit going around.
Too much.
I mean if you look around you will see what I mean.
Want to know what I mean?
Lets start with the most amazing piece of shit crap nonsense we all hear.
Its called ‘God’ and ‘Religion’
Yeah.
Ooo
Did I touch your sensitive clitoris region?
Did you feel bad?
Oh, then I should apologize – shouldn’t I?
Okay then let me.
Lets start.
Fuck you
Fuck your god
Fuck your gods ass
And fuck your gods ass so bad that your dick comes out of his mouth though his asshole.
Good enough?
Nice to know.
Man, get fucking real.
I mean what the fuck is all this?
You are what?
A Hindu Pindu?
A Muslim fanatic?
Or a Alcoholic, Sex-crazed, Pathetic life form called ‘Christian’?
Or some other cheap shit religion that God alone knows if it is worth talking about?
So whatever the fuck you follow – I give a dam to it.
But let me get to the point.
AND I WANT YOU TO OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYE BALLS AND READ IT CLEAR
This is all but a bloody fucked up identity
You get it???
A bloody label.
Something where you can identify with your ‘Christian’ Brothers or your ‘Muslim’ Brothers.
I mean when are we ever going to grow up???
When?
This bullshit of religion is so stinking crappy.
Even today they teach us crap and they make us do crap.
I don’t know about your fucked up religion but I can tell you what shit they taught me.
Want to hear?
Here goes.
Let me share 2 measly ones.
1) If you accept Jesus as Lord and Savior, you will be saved.
2) Ask and your shall receive.
3) On the last day, you will be judged. (or some shit like that)
Now lets starts with number – 1
Does that mean if I am born as a Muslim – then I am not saved?
Does not mean all the other Hindus as going to die in hell?
Oh fuck you all you mother fucking sons of bitches and the fucking catholic fuck of a Church.
The truth is – Yes I do fear God.
Yes there are lines I will not cross because I DO BELIEVE IN HIM AND I AM SCARED OF HIM – though I have never met such a being – But I believe he does exist.
But having said that I mean do you fucking expect me to believe just because someone is a non-Jesus voter – he is Mr. Bad guy?
The same goes for the other religions – You want to meet some fanatics – Try an Arab Muslim. Trust me – forget a bomb blast, he will rip your balls out if you dare speak anything about his religion – and I have seen even the most peaceful guys become fanatics!
Coming back to the point number 2
Ask and you shall receive.
Now let me give you an example here…
I have seeking a girl to marry.
I don’t get it.
So a nice ‘Christian’ comes and tells me ‘pray’ and you will get it.
I pray.
After a year, I still don’t get it.
So I go back to this asshole
And what does he tell me –
Brother, God will give it to you in ‘due time’.
Or his excuse number 2 would be….
‘God knows what is good for us – He provides for his children’.
WOW
So in both the ways,
My ass is fucked anyways right????
So if I don’t get it – God is right.
And if I do get it – God is right again.
I mean – do you need a 6 year old to tell me this is fucking nuts???
And finally point number fucking 3.
If you do bad, you will be judged and all that bollocks.
Do you see bad people having a ‘bad’ time?
Really…tell me?
Do you?
A guy broke your heart, your fucking life, your scared foundation….
Got you fucking pregnant, took all your money, used you and dumped you like a tampon
So is he fucking suffering???
Is he?
NO!
He is still fucking another bitch and he is enjoying his fucking life you fat, over-sized religious cunt!!!
GET A LIFE!!!
Jesus Christ aint coming down on a horsey to beat up this guy!
He is busy with his work!
YOU HAVE TO KICK HIS FUCKING ASS
Or
Option number 2
Is
MOVE THE FUCK ON!!!
I mean what wrong with people here????
I get pissed when I meet people like this.
And even more pissed when people whom I love and care act like this shit.
And there are still more shitty stuff that piss me off
Like most of the mother fuckers who put on a good image ‘outside’ but are assholes on the inside.
Bastards who show they are faithful to their spouses but are fucking a 200$ whore on holidays
Cunts called women who expect to marry a ‘rich’, ‘nice’, ‘god-fearing’, ‘UK or US based’ boy toy so that their fucking fungus infested pussy can be worshipped and have a cosy life for the rest of their God dam life – FUCK YOU WHORES. HOPE YOU GET A FUCKING LOSER!!!
I hate all those people who think they are the ‘authorities’ to judge others because they are ‘decent’ or have ‘accomplished’ something in life.
FUCK YOU ALL!
In the end I just want to tell you this……
…..
USE YOUR FUCKING GOD GIVEN COMMON SENSE MAN.
Please.
Use your fucking God given common sense man.
You have one fucking life.
Live it sensibly without all this shit society teaches you.
We live in a world of hypocrisy and nonsense.
Put some sense in your bloody life and make something worth while out of it.
You have one life.
Live that life with happiness and peace.
And if nothing else…
Pray to a God who does not live in the sky….
But somewhere deep down…..
So deep that you know he exists and is real….
And so real
You don’t know need any book,
Any religion, Any asshole to tell you…
That he knows this guy ‘God’ more than you do.
Let him be you…
And you be him..
And if nothing else…
Just know that you are that God.
The master of your own life.
And the one who though cannot control everything else….
At least controls himself.
Amen.
MADD MACHEDO MAX’S WORST BABY NAMES EVER GIVEN TO A HUMAN BEING!!!
MADD MACHEDO MAX’S WORST BABY NAME AT NUMBER 7
The baby was named “GoldenPalaceDotCom Silverman”
In 2005, the Internet casino GoldenPalace.com paid $15,000 to name a baby after itself and got more than it paid for in media attention. Sure most people condemned this sort of outrageous publicity stunt - some even calling it a form of child abuse - but the good news was that GoldenPalaceDotCom Silverman was born healthy at 7 pounds, 10 ounces on May 19, 2005.
Actually, baby Silverman wasn't the only human in the world named after the casino: In the same year, a 33-year-old mother of five named Terri Ilagan auctioned off the right to her name on eBay, which the casino won for a mere $15,199. The re-branded Mrs. GoldenPalace.com said: "To my kids and to my husband, I will always be Terri. My husband is real supportive. He thinks it's funny. As long as they get to call me Mom, they don't care. They are already starting to tease me and call me Goldie."
These two will join a GoldenPalace's branding of a Glaswegian woman's cleavage and their purchase of a decade-old "Virgin Mary" grilled cheese in the annals of the company's publicity stunts
MADD MACHEDO MAX’S WORST BABY NAME AT NUMBER 6
The baby was named “Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116”
(Pronounced "albin"). In 1991, Elisabeth Hallin and Lasse Diding wanted to protest the naming law of Sweden, which states that the court can diapprove of names that "for some obvious reason are not suitable as a first name." They were fined 5,000 kronor (about $680 at the time).
The parents claimed that the 43-character name as "a pregnant, expressionistic development that we see as an artistic creation." The court didn't buy it and upheld the fine. Then the parents tried to resubmit the name as "A" (yes, one letter - also pronounced "albin"). The court didn't buy that either, saying that one letter names are prohibited.
The baby finally went with "Albin Hallin" though in his passport his name was given as "Icke namngivet gossebarn" meaning "unnamed little boy."
MADD MACHEDO MAX’S WORST BABY NAME AT NUMBER 5
The baby was named “KentuckyFriedCruelty.com”
Well, technically, this is not his parents' fault but what Christopher Garnett did was pretty strange so we'll include him on this list.
In 2005, Christopher, a youth outreach worker for the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) agreed to change his name legally to KentuckyFriedCruelty.com to protest animal abuse by the food chain KFC. (Yes, and he's got a driver's license to prove it).
He did promise his mom that he'd change his name back when PETA's campaign against KFC was over in 2006. Throughout all this time, his parents continued to call him Chris (how unsupportive!)
MADD MACHEDO MAX’S WORST BABY NAME AT NUMBER 4
The baby was named “Nicholas Unless-Jesus-Christ-Had-Died-For-Thee-Thou-Hadst-Been-Damned Barbon”
(1640 - 1698).
Nicholas' shall we say "unique" name apparently ran in the family: his father was Praise-God Barbon. No, I'm not kidding - Nicholas was a real guy. He was an English economist, physician and financial speculator. He took part in the rebuilding of London after the Great Fire of 1666 and even founded the city's first fire insurance company. By all accounts, he went by Nicholas throughout his life.
MADD MACHEDO MAX’S WORST BABY NAME AT NUMBER 3
The baby was named “God Shammgod”
God plays professional basketball, currently for the Portland Chinooks of the International Basketball League. He played in the NBA for one season (with the Washington Wizards in 1997).
He even invented a streetball move, called The Shammgod, useful for creating space between you and your defender. And yes, God is on MySpace.
MADD MACHEDO MAX’S WORST BABY NAME AT NUMBER 2
The baby was named “Dick Assman”
Yes, you read that right. Dick is a gas station owner in Saskatchewan, Canada, whose name made him a minor celebrity when David Letterman found him in 1995. Dick pronounced his German lastname as "uzman," but we all know better...
And the winner……!!!
MADD MACHEDO MAX’S WORST BABY NAME AT NUMBER 1
The baby was named “@”
And finally, let's go full circle to "@," pronounced "ai ta" or "love him" by an unidentified Chinese couple:
The unidentified couple and the attempted naming were cited Thursday by a Chinese government official as an example of bizarre names creeping into the Chinese language.
"The father said 'the whole world uses it to write emails and translated into Chinese it means'love him'," Li Yuming, the vice director of the State Language Commission, said at a news conference.
No words on whether the name was rejected by the Chinese government
The baby was named “GoldenPalaceDotCom Silverman”
In 2005, the Internet casino GoldenPalace.com paid $15,000 to name a baby after itself and got more than it paid for in media attention. Sure most people condemned this sort of outrageous publicity stunt - some even calling it a form of child abuse - but the good news was that GoldenPalaceDotCom Silverman was born healthy at 7 pounds, 10 ounces on May 19, 2005.
Actually, baby Silverman wasn't the only human in the world named after the casino: In the same year, a 33-year-old mother of five named Terri Ilagan auctioned off the right to her name on eBay, which the casino won for a mere $15,199. The re-branded Mrs. GoldenPalace.com said: "To my kids and to my husband, I will always be Terri. My husband is real supportive. He thinks it's funny. As long as they get to call me Mom, they don't care. They are already starting to tease me and call me Goldie."
These two will join a GoldenPalace's branding of a Glaswegian woman's cleavage and their purchase of a decade-old "Virgin Mary" grilled cheese in the annals of the company's publicity stunts
MADD MACHEDO MAX’S WORST BABY NAME AT NUMBER 6
The baby was named “Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116”
(Pronounced "albin"). In 1991, Elisabeth Hallin and Lasse Diding wanted to protest the naming law of Sweden, which states that the court can diapprove of names that "for some obvious reason are not suitable as a first name." They were fined 5,000 kronor (about $680 at the time).
The parents claimed that the 43-character name as "a pregnant, expressionistic development that we see as an artistic creation." The court didn't buy it and upheld the fine. Then the parents tried to resubmit the name as "A" (yes, one letter - also pronounced "albin"). The court didn't buy that either, saying that one letter names are prohibited.
The baby finally went with "Albin Hallin" though in his passport his name was given as "Icke namngivet gossebarn" meaning "unnamed little boy."
MADD MACHEDO MAX’S WORST BABY NAME AT NUMBER 5
The baby was named “KentuckyFriedCruelty.com”
Well, technically, this is not his parents' fault but what Christopher Garnett did was pretty strange so we'll include him on this list.
In 2005, Christopher, a youth outreach worker for the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) agreed to change his name legally to KentuckyFriedCruelty.com to protest animal abuse by the food chain KFC. (Yes, and he's got a driver's license to prove it).
He did promise his mom that he'd change his name back when PETA's campaign against KFC was over in 2006. Throughout all this time, his parents continued to call him Chris (how unsupportive!)
MADD MACHEDO MAX’S WORST BABY NAME AT NUMBER 4
The baby was named “Nicholas Unless-Jesus-Christ-Had-Died-For-Thee-Thou-Hadst-Been-Damned Barbon”
(1640 - 1698).
Nicholas' shall we say "unique" name apparently ran in the family: his father was Praise-God Barbon. No, I'm not kidding - Nicholas was a real guy. He was an English economist, physician and financial speculator. He took part in the rebuilding of London after the Great Fire of 1666 and even founded the city's first fire insurance company. By all accounts, he went by Nicholas throughout his life.
MADD MACHEDO MAX’S WORST BABY NAME AT NUMBER 3
The baby was named “God Shammgod”
God plays professional basketball, currently for the Portland Chinooks of the International Basketball League. He played in the NBA for one season (with the Washington Wizards in 1997).
He even invented a streetball move, called The Shammgod, useful for creating space between you and your defender. And yes, God is on MySpace.
MADD MACHEDO MAX’S WORST BABY NAME AT NUMBER 2
The baby was named “Dick Assman”
Yes, you read that right. Dick is a gas station owner in Saskatchewan, Canada, whose name made him a minor celebrity when David Letterman found him in 1995. Dick pronounced his German lastname as "uzman," but we all know better...
And the winner……!!!
MADD MACHEDO MAX’S WORST BABY NAME AT NUMBER 1
The baby was named “@”
And finally, let's go full circle to "@," pronounced "ai ta" or "love him" by an unidentified Chinese couple:
The unidentified couple and the attempted naming were cited Thursday by a Chinese government official as an example of bizarre names creeping into the Chinese language.
"The father said 'the whole world uses it to write emails and translated into Chinese it means'love him'," Li Yuming, the vice director of the State Language Commission, said at a news conference.
No words on whether the name was rejected by the Chinese government
15 Wise Wonderful Words of Wisdom by Madd Machedo Max
1. The one who takes your hand but touches your heart is a true friend.
2. A true friend is one who is the last to be with you in the good times but the first to be with you in the bad times.
3. We seldom think of what we have but of what we don’t have.
4. Don’t cry because its over now….laugh because it happened.
5. The more precisely you plan, the harder destiny will hit you.
6. What happens, happens for a reason.
7. The best things happen when you least expect them.
8. The greatest events aren’t the loudest but the most quite ones.
9. The most difficult decision – Which bridge in life to use & which one to burn.
10. Everybody sees how you seem. Only some know who you are.
11. He who would like to have something he never had will have to do something well that he hasn’t done yet.
12. Perhaps God would want you to become acquainted with many different people in the course of your life, so that when you meet the right one, you can appreciate and be grateful for them.
13. Give something a name and it will happen.
14. Love doesn’t require two people to look at each other but that they look together in the same direction.
15. Life is drawing without an eraser.
2. A true friend is one who is the last to be with you in the good times but the first to be with you in the bad times.
3. We seldom think of what we have but of what we don’t have.
4. Don’t cry because its over now….laugh because it happened.
5. The more precisely you plan, the harder destiny will hit you.
6. What happens, happens for a reason.
7. The best things happen when you least expect them.
8. The greatest events aren’t the loudest but the most quite ones.
9. The most difficult decision – Which bridge in life to use & which one to burn.
10. Everybody sees how you seem. Only some know who you are.
11. He who would like to have something he never had will have to do something well that he hasn’t done yet.
12. Perhaps God would want you to become acquainted with many different people in the course of your life, so that when you meet the right one, you can appreciate and be grateful for them.
13. Give something a name and it will happen.
14. Love doesn’t require two people to look at each other but that they look together in the same direction.
15. Life is drawing without an eraser.
QUOTES OF LOVE THAT MADE MY HEART SKIP A BEAT.....
1) We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
- Sam Keen, from To Love and Be Loved
2) "The spaces between your fingers were created so that another's could fill them in." - Unknown
3) Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had? - Unknown
4) "Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control." - Unknown
5) In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away
- shing xiong
6) Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
- Unknown
7) "I love you so much...its hurts" - Madd Max Machedo
- Sam Keen, from To Love and Be Loved
2) "The spaces between your fingers were created so that another's could fill them in." - Unknown
3) Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had? - Unknown
4) "Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control." - Unknown
5) In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away
- shing xiong
6) Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
- Unknown
7) "I love you so much...its hurts" - Madd Max Machedo
A tall-tale speech I am going to give today at Rayan Hotel about me.
• Today I would like to tell you my story.
• Please don’t mind, I am a bit nervous because this is the first time I am speaking in English for the first time.
• My name is Loy Vijaykumar Ghadghaz and I am 9 years old.
• I was born in Hiroshima. A small town in Japan.
• My size looks big because when I was born a nuclear bomb exploded next to my house and because of the radiation, I keep growing double the size every month.
• My parents names are Dr. Balan and Sailesh
• Who is the father and who is the mother, that you have check and find out
• When I was small, I was sent to planet Mars for my education with the Zulu Tribe
• After schooling for high school, I went to study with Obama at Harward university. He was my best friend. And I told him, if he would believe in the principle of change, he would one day even become the president of the USA.
• Following that I for my college I joined The Osama Bin Ladin School of Economics
• I completed my graduation successfully with specialization is releasing gas and suicide bombing. I will never forget my best friends. His name was Mohanlal & Mammotty. They used to always ask me tips on how to act. I thought them and told them, the secret – if they wanted to get movie contacts, all they had to do was grow a big stomach like mine and have some hair on it while wearing a lungi.
• After graduating, I escaped Afghanistan in the stomach of a camel and came to Dubai but then someone killed the camel, put him a de-freezer and after 100 years when he was cut open to be fried as hamburger at Burger king, they found me sitting there.
• So, I manage to escape and for 2 years I went around searching for a job.
• In Dubai my first job was that of a belly dancer
• Following that given my exceptional caliber and job performance, I was employed by Dubai as the personal adviser to the Sheikh
• After successfully giving advice and crashing the economy, I was called by the president of India to be awarded the highest civilian award “The Bharat Ratna”
• Following that, I had to come down here for this contest.
• On a personal front, I am successfully married to Sandhya Ashokan.
• And we had 2 kids (showing my guinea pigs)
• About my future - You see last month I sang a wonderful song lagoon.
• Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you
• And this song was so good, I got offered a big contract in the music industry.
• My album will be releasing shortly titled “Loy’s and his toy”
• All proceeds of this album will go for the Charity ‘to feed my children’
• My other activity is that I run a business that produces very unique products.
• You see till date there have been pregnancy tests products.
• But no one has had a dumb test product.
• You see you can make out how dumb they are.
• All you have to do is lick it
• And it shows you if you are dumb, stupid or like me smart.
• If you want any futurther information about this product, please log on to my website, www.Iamsostupid.com
• One day, I hope to stand on this same stage with my son, Junior Loy and share with you my next life story.
• If anyone of you are interested in getting a free autographed copy of my book, please call 800-I-AM-AN-IDOT and you will get a free copy today.
• Please don’t mind, I am a bit nervous because this is the first time I am speaking in English for the first time.
• My name is Loy Vijaykumar Ghadghaz and I am 9 years old.
• I was born in Hiroshima. A small town in Japan.
• My size looks big because when I was born a nuclear bomb exploded next to my house and because of the radiation, I keep growing double the size every month.
• My parents names are Dr. Balan and Sailesh
• Who is the father and who is the mother, that you have check and find out
• When I was small, I was sent to planet Mars for my education with the Zulu Tribe
• After schooling for high school, I went to study with Obama at Harward university. He was my best friend. And I told him, if he would believe in the principle of change, he would one day even become the president of the USA.
• Following that I for my college I joined The Osama Bin Ladin School of Economics
• I completed my graduation successfully with specialization is releasing gas and suicide bombing. I will never forget my best friends. His name was Mohanlal & Mammotty. They used to always ask me tips on how to act. I thought them and told them, the secret – if they wanted to get movie contacts, all they had to do was grow a big stomach like mine and have some hair on it while wearing a lungi.
• After graduating, I escaped Afghanistan in the stomach of a camel and came to Dubai but then someone killed the camel, put him a de-freezer and after 100 years when he was cut open to be fried as hamburger at Burger king, they found me sitting there.
• So, I manage to escape and for 2 years I went around searching for a job.
• In Dubai my first job was that of a belly dancer
• Following that given my exceptional caliber and job performance, I was employed by Dubai as the personal adviser to the Sheikh
• After successfully giving advice and crashing the economy, I was called by the president of India to be awarded the highest civilian award “The Bharat Ratna”
• Following that, I had to come down here for this contest.
• On a personal front, I am successfully married to Sandhya Ashokan.
• And we had 2 kids (showing my guinea pigs)
• About my future - You see last month I sang a wonderful song lagoon.
• Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you
• And this song was so good, I got offered a big contract in the music industry.
• My album will be releasing shortly titled “Loy’s and his toy”
• All proceeds of this album will go for the Charity ‘to feed my children’
• My other activity is that I run a business that produces very unique products.
• You see till date there have been pregnancy tests products.
• But no one has had a dumb test product.
• You see you can make out how dumb they are.
• All you have to do is lick it
• And it shows you if you are dumb, stupid or like me smart.
• If you want any futurther information about this product, please log on to my website, www.Iamsostupid.com
• One day, I hope to stand on this same stage with my son, Junior Loy and share with you my next life story.
• If anyone of you are interested in getting a free autographed copy of my book, please call 800-I-AM-AN-IDOT and you will get a free copy today.
MADD 10 signs you are an unquestioning fucking nutcase of a "christian" by Mc Lobo (my buddy on FB)
10- You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your god.
9- You feel insulted and ‘dehumanized’ when scientists say that people evolved from lesser life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
8- You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Trinity god.
7- Your face turns purple when you hear of the ‘atrocities’ attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in ‘Exodus’ and ordered the
elimination of entire ethnic groups in ‘Joshua’—including women, children, and animals!
6- You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about god sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who
got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5- You are willing to spend your life looking for little loop-holes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find
nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by pre-historic tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that the Earth is a couple of generations
old!
4- You believe that the entire population of this planet wi th the exception of those who share your beliefs—though excluding those in all rival
sects—will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet you consider your religion the most ‘tolerant’ and ‘loving’.
3- While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor, speaking in ‘tongues,’ may be all the evidence you need.
2- You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1- You actually know a lot less than many Atheists and Agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history—but still call yourself a “Christian.”
9- You feel insulted and ‘dehumanized’ when scientists say that people evolved from lesser life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
8- You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Trinity god.
7- Your face turns purple when you hear of the ‘atrocities’ attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in ‘Exodus’ and ordered the
elimination of entire ethnic groups in ‘Joshua’—including women, children, and animals!
6- You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about god sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who
got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5- You are willing to spend your life looking for little loop-holes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find
nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by pre-historic tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that the Earth is a couple of generations
old!
4- You believe that the entire population of this planet wi th the exception of those who share your beliefs—though excluding those in all rival
sects—will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet you consider your religion the most ‘tolerant’ and ‘loving’.
3- While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor, speaking in ‘tongues,’ may be all the evidence you need.
2- You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1- You actually know a lot less than many Atheists and Agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history—but still call yourself a “Christian.”
A Rude Email I wrote to a female who was sending me 'religious' forwards (including her whole group)
My dearest immature email spammer,
You send a private decent reply
I replied it in the same fashion.
You sent a group reply with an attitude.
So now, I send you a group email with an attitude.
Seriously - I have a question for you?
Are you 25 years old or are you 5 years?
Honestly darling, to be very honest,
I dont mind porn over any Jesus Mumbo Jumbo any day.
I find porn sexy. But I sure as hell dont find Jesus sexy.
Why?
Because I am a normal male
(and yes, one who has the balls to talk his mouth off)
(ops, is that err.....shocking?.....*tsk**tsk**tsk*.....was I supposed to be....'decent'?)
Like normal men, I get turned on when I see sexy women having sex.
And I am sure as hell not ashamed about it.
You may find it 'yucky'
But I am sure you husband would not.
Try asking some men if they find visual entertainment bad.
They will all 'deny' it....but if you check their computers, I am sure you will find some entertainment kept 'hidden' somewhere.
So is this bad?
Oh and by the way
Did you forget that you are part of my face book list of buddies
where I put up the hot, naughty and kinky updates and pictures???
And yes adult stuff?
(if anyone of you want to add me, add me through my email - theinvisiblestring@yahoo.co.in)
So why the drama of being 'decent' now?
I dont get turned on when I see a picture of some 'God' requesting emails to be forwarded in his name.
And I sure as well get so fucking pissed when I come to know people do not use common sense with regards to being 'spiritual'
You may find porn 'dirty' or sex 'ugly' - when the majority of the fucking population - including the farts who go to church - watch, shag, drink, smoke and fuck day in and day out.
Tell you what.
The solution to this is simple.
After consulting a group of scientists from around the world, I have come up with this unique plan.
Solution Number 1 of 3
You need to find the email addresses of some 'holy' people.
Solution Number 2 of 3
Put the emails in one email group.
And then
Solution Number 3 of 3
SEND ONLY TO THEM!
So, in other simple words,
if you want my replies to stop
STOP SENDING ME ANY BLOODY RELIGIOUS FUCKING EMAILS!
I dont want to hear your 'sorry' or your 'oh, I just realised' -
STOP IT!
Your emails dont have anything of value.
Your emails lack intelligence.
Your emails lack anything entertaining
And
Your emails are full of crap!
So the bottom line!
YOU STARTED THE BLOODY NONSENSE
YOU END THE BLOODY NONSENSE
And have a nice day!
And may God (if there is any) bless you and give you something called 'common sense'!
And if you want to read something worth your time
Read this (taken from my face book page)
Video Link for those of you who can watch
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1326090643475&ref=mf
You send a private decent reply
I replied it in the same fashion.
You sent a group reply with an attitude.
So now, I send you a group email with an attitude.
Seriously - I have a question for you?
Are you 25 years old or are you 5 years?
Honestly darling, to be very honest,
I dont mind porn over any Jesus Mumbo Jumbo any day.
I find porn sexy. But I sure as hell dont find Jesus sexy.
Why?
Because I am a normal male
(and yes, one who has the balls to talk his mouth off)
(ops, is that err.....shocking?.....*tsk**tsk**tsk*.....was I supposed to be....'decent'?)
Like normal men, I get turned on when I see sexy women having sex.
And I am sure as hell not ashamed about it.
You may find it 'yucky'
But I am sure you husband would not.
Try asking some men if they find visual entertainment bad.
They will all 'deny' it....but if you check their computers, I am sure you will find some entertainment kept 'hidden' somewhere.
So is this bad?
Oh and by the way
Did you forget that you are part of my face book list of buddies
where I put up the hot, naughty and kinky updates and pictures???
And yes adult stuff?
(if anyone of you want to add me, add me through my email - theinvisiblestring@yahoo.co.in)
So why the drama of being 'decent' now?
I dont get turned on when I see a picture of some 'God' requesting emails to be forwarded in his name.
And I sure as well get so fucking pissed when I come to know people do not use common sense with regards to being 'spiritual'
You may find porn 'dirty' or sex 'ugly' - when the majority of the fucking population - including the farts who go to church - watch, shag, drink, smoke and fuck day in and day out.
Tell you what.
The solution to this is simple.
After consulting a group of scientists from around the world, I have come up with this unique plan.
Solution Number 1 of 3
You need to find the email addresses of some 'holy' people.
Solution Number 2 of 3
Put the emails in one email group.
And then
Solution Number 3 of 3
SEND ONLY TO THEM!
So, in other simple words,
if you want my replies to stop
STOP SENDING ME ANY BLOODY RELIGIOUS FUCKING EMAILS!
I dont want to hear your 'sorry' or your 'oh, I just realised' -
STOP IT!
Your emails dont have anything of value.
Your emails lack intelligence.
Your emails lack anything entertaining
And
Your emails are full of crap!
So the bottom line!
YOU STARTED THE BLOODY NONSENSE
YOU END THE BLOODY NONSENSE
And have a nice day!
And may God (if there is any) bless you and give you something called 'common sense'!
And if you want to read something worth your time
Read this (taken from my face book page)
Video Link for those of you who can watch
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1326090643475&ref=mf
10 most MADD MAX expensive weddings ever.....
1. Amit Bhatia and Vanisha Mittal (June 18-21, 2002)
Cost: £ 30 million
In the most expensive wedding festivities ever conducted, four days of lavish revelry marked the nuptials of banker Amit Bhatia and Vanisha, daughter of the steel magnate Laxmi Mittal. The engagement ceremony is said to have been the only public function ever held at the palace of Versailles, near Paris; later in the festivities, nightclubs were hired across the city and the couple starred in a specially written full-scale Bollywood musical version of their early relationship. Kylie Minogue was amongst the many performers. Thousands of guests, flown in from over the world, sipped cocktails after the Mehendi ceremony, where world-famous artist Ash Kumar designed an exclusive henna pattern to match the embroidery on the bride’s designer dress.
2. Wayne Rooney and Colleen McLoughlin (June 14, 2008)
Cost: £5 million
Private jets flew the couple’s 64 guests to Portofino, where the England footballer and hischildhood sweetheart were wed in an intimate Catholic ceremony in a 16th-century castle overlooking the Italian Riviera. The bride wore a handmade, £200,000 full-length Marchesa gown embellished with pearls and crystals, with a 25ft train. Afterward the wedding, guests were ferried to 24-hour party on a multi-storey, multi-million pound super yacht complete with solid gold fittings and a helicopter pad. The couple also dished out £400,000 for an exclusive performance by Colleen’s favourite pop group, Westlife.
3. Liza Minnelli and David Gest (March 17, 2002)
Cost: £1.8 million
The Oscar-winning actress’ wedding was a real cabaret, with fleets of black limousines sweeping guests to the Marble Collegiate Church where Minnelli (56) and Gest (48) tied the knot in true Manhattan style. Gest, who compulsively collects memorabilia of Minnelli’s mother, Judy Garland, wed the actress in an extravagant ceremony orchestrated by world-famous wedding planner Preston Bailey. The wedding was attended by hordes of celebrities including Michael Jackson as best man and Elizabeth Taylor as maid of honour, who enjoyed a twelve-tier wedding cake and sixty-strong live orchestra. One bridesmaid described the event as “the night of 1,000 facelifts.”
4. Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas (Nov 18, 2000)
Cost: £1.5 million
The actress, who was born on a housing estate in the Welsh village of Mumbles, marriedHollywood leading man Douglas amid lush festivities at New York’s famous Plaza hotel. The aftermath of the wedding was even more fantastic than the celebrations themselves. Despite the high security, photographers from Hello! Magazine gatecrashed the event and took surreptitious pictures. Rival glossy OK! had already secured an exclusive photo deal. After a drawn-out civil court wrangle, OK! made legal history by successfully suing Hello! for £1million. Unlike the two embittered magazines, the Douglases continue to enjoy a functional relationship.
5. Donald Trump and Melania Knauss (Jan 22, 2005)
Cost: £900,000
Real-estate mogul Trump married his third wife, Slovenian model Melania Knauss, in a ceremony at Palm Beach. The wedding was designed to be “understated”, despite the bride’s £106,000 dress by John Galliano, which sported a 13-foot train and weighed an astonishing 50lb. Scores of rowdy onlookers gathered outside the reception desperate to spot celebrity guests such as Hilary Clinton, Tony Bennett and Billy Joel, who later serenaded the waiting crowds in an impromptu performance. ‘This is the closest you’ll get to a royal wedding in America,’ said one guest.
6. Barry Drewitt and Tony Barlow (July 1, 2006)
Cost: £800,000
Chemical research millionaires Drewitt and Barlow became the nation’s first openly gay surrogate parents after a five-year transatlantic battle, and were the first men to be recorded jointly as parents on a birth certificate. This extraordinary family does nothing by halves, and their wedding in Chelmsford, Essex was no exception. Daughter Saffron, five, who already owned 150 pairs of shoes and £200,000 worth of designer clothes and bags, chose aChristian Dior off-the-shoulder dress for the event. Her dad and daddy arrived at the ceremony in a pumpkin-shaped Cinderella-style glass carriage pulled by six plumed white horses, followed by stretch limousines worth half a million.
7. David Beckham and Victoria Adams (July 4, 1999)
Cost: £500,000
The multi-millionaires lovingly known to the world as “Posh ‘n’ Becks” wed at LuttrelstownCastle in Ireland in a not-so-subtle statement on the coincidence of royalty and celebrity at the turn of the 21st century. Fireworks and white doves filled the sky as the newlyweds posed on a pair of magnificent velvet thrones, the bride wearing a large gold crown studded with diamonds. OK! Magazine bought exclusive rights to the Beckham wedding for £1 million, the largest sum ever offered for a celebrity wedding, kicking off a harrowing battle with their longstanding rivals, Hello!
8. Nero and Pythagoras (c.AD 65)
Cost: 25,000 Denarii
In a fallow period between luckless wives, Emperor Nero married a young Greek slave-boy, Pythagoras, in a traditional Roman ceremony with rings and flame-coloured veil. The festivities were accompanied by Tiberian pleasure-boats stuffed with exotic animals, feasting, singing and “high-born” prostitutes. According to the historian Tacitus, the emperor took the woman’s part in the ceremonies.
9. Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer (July 29, 1981)
Cost: undisclosed
A global audience of 750 million viewers tuned in to watch the heir to the British throne wed a blushing 20-year-old former children’s nanny - the largest viewing figures recorded in television history. The royal couple married in St Paul’s Cathedral, with Diana in a dress of antique lace with a 25ft train, as crowds of 60,000 flocked to catch a glimpse of the newlyweds on a one-off British national holiday. Stylishly flaunting royal protocol, the couple stole a kiss on the balcony – an image which remains iconic despite the shattering of this fairytale marriage over years of messy divorce, infidelity and tragedy.
10. Princess Elizabeth Windsor (later Queen Elizabeth II) and Prince Philip (November, 20 1947)
Cost: unknown
The magnificence of the royal wedding, with its Norman Hartnell dresses and nine 400lb wedding cakes, was frowned upon by some quarters in the frugal atmosphere of post-war Britain, although ingredients for the main cake were in fact a gift from the Australian Girl Guides association. For the rest, the splendour was a welcome break from the privations of a ration-book economy. Thousands turned out on to the streets to cheer for the princess and her new husband, who King George VI gifted with the titles Duke of Edinburgh, Earl of Merioneth and Baron Greenwich for the occasion. In the interests of economy, some officials proposed an elaborate fireworks display in order to make use of the “surplus explosive chemicals” left over from the war.
Cost: £ 30 million
In the most expensive wedding festivities ever conducted, four days of lavish revelry marked the nuptials of banker Amit Bhatia and Vanisha, daughter of the steel magnate Laxmi Mittal. The engagement ceremony is said to have been the only public function ever held at the palace of Versailles, near Paris; later in the festivities, nightclubs were hired across the city and the couple starred in a specially written full-scale Bollywood musical version of their early relationship. Kylie Minogue was amongst the many performers. Thousands of guests, flown in from over the world, sipped cocktails after the Mehendi ceremony, where world-famous artist Ash Kumar designed an exclusive henna pattern to match the embroidery on the bride’s designer dress.
2. Wayne Rooney and Colleen McLoughlin (June 14, 2008)
Cost: £5 million
Private jets flew the couple’s 64 guests to Portofino, where the England footballer and hischildhood sweetheart were wed in an intimate Catholic ceremony in a 16th-century castle overlooking the Italian Riviera. The bride wore a handmade, £200,000 full-length Marchesa gown embellished with pearls and crystals, with a 25ft train. Afterward the wedding, guests were ferried to 24-hour party on a multi-storey, multi-million pound super yacht complete with solid gold fittings and a helicopter pad. The couple also dished out £400,000 for an exclusive performance by Colleen’s favourite pop group, Westlife.
3. Liza Minnelli and David Gest (March 17, 2002)
Cost: £1.8 million
The Oscar-winning actress’ wedding was a real cabaret, with fleets of black limousines sweeping guests to the Marble Collegiate Church where Minnelli (56) and Gest (48) tied the knot in true Manhattan style. Gest, who compulsively collects memorabilia of Minnelli’s mother, Judy Garland, wed the actress in an extravagant ceremony orchestrated by world-famous wedding planner Preston Bailey. The wedding was attended by hordes of celebrities including Michael Jackson as best man and Elizabeth Taylor as maid of honour, who enjoyed a twelve-tier wedding cake and sixty-strong live orchestra. One bridesmaid described the event as “the night of 1,000 facelifts.”
4. Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas (Nov 18, 2000)
Cost: £1.5 million
The actress, who was born on a housing estate in the Welsh village of Mumbles, marriedHollywood leading man Douglas amid lush festivities at New York’s famous Plaza hotel. The aftermath of the wedding was even more fantastic than the celebrations themselves. Despite the high security, photographers from Hello! Magazine gatecrashed the event and took surreptitious pictures. Rival glossy OK! had already secured an exclusive photo deal. After a drawn-out civil court wrangle, OK! made legal history by successfully suing Hello! for £1million. Unlike the two embittered magazines, the Douglases continue to enjoy a functional relationship.
5. Donald Trump and Melania Knauss (Jan 22, 2005)
Cost: £900,000
Real-estate mogul Trump married his third wife, Slovenian model Melania Knauss, in a ceremony at Palm Beach. The wedding was designed to be “understated”, despite the bride’s £106,000 dress by John Galliano, which sported a 13-foot train and weighed an astonishing 50lb. Scores of rowdy onlookers gathered outside the reception desperate to spot celebrity guests such as Hilary Clinton, Tony Bennett and Billy Joel, who later serenaded the waiting crowds in an impromptu performance. ‘This is the closest you’ll get to a royal wedding in America,’ said one guest.
6. Barry Drewitt and Tony Barlow (July 1, 2006)
Cost: £800,000
Chemical research millionaires Drewitt and Barlow became the nation’s first openly gay surrogate parents after a five-year transatlantic battle, and were the first men to be recorded jointly as parents on a birth certificate. This extraordinary family does nothing by halves, and their wedding in Chelmsford, Essex was no exception. Daughter Saffron, five, who already owned 150 pairs of shoes and £200,000 worth of designer clothes and bags, chose aChristian Dior off-the-shoulder dress for the event. Her dad and daddy arrived at the ceremony in a pumpkin-shaped Cinderella-style glass carriage pulled by six plumed white horses, followed by stretch limousines worth half a million.
7. David Beckham and Victoria Adams (July 4, 1999)
Cost: £500,000
The multi-millionaires lovingly known to the world as “Posh ‘n’ Becks” wed at LuttrelstownCastle in Ireland in a not-so-subtle statement on the coincidence of royalty and celebrity at the turn of the 21st century. Fireworks and white doves filled the sky as the newlyweds posed on a pair of magnificent velvet thrones, the bride wearing a large gold crown studded with diamonds. OK! Magazine bought exclusive rights to the Beckham wedding for £1 million, the largest sum ever offered for a celebrity wedding, kicking off a harrowing battle with their longstanding rivals, Hello!
8. Nero and Pythagoras (c.AD 65)
Cost: 25,000 Denarii
In a fallow period between luckless wives, Emperor Nero married a young Greek slave-boy, Pythagoras, in a traditional Roman ceremony with rings and flame-coloured veil. The festivities were accompanied by Tiberian pleasure-boats stuffed with exotic animals, feasting, singing and “high-born” prostitutes. According to the historian Tacitus, the emperor took the woman’s part in the ceremonies.
9. Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer (July 29, 1981)
Cost: undisclosed
A global audience of 750 million viewers tuned in to watch the heir to the British throne wed a blushing 20-year-old former children’s nanny - the largest viewing figures recorded in television history. The royal couple married in St Paul’s Cathedral, with Diana in a dress of antique lace with a 25ft train, as crowds of 60,000 flocked to catch a glimpse of the newlyweds on a one-off British national holiday. Stylishly flaunting royal protocol, the couple stole a kiss on the balcony – an image which remains iconic despite the shattering of this fairytale marriage over years of messy divorce, infidelity and tragedy.
10. Princess Elizabeth Windsor (later Queen Elizabeth II) and Prince Philip (November, 20 1947)
Cost: unknown
The magnificence of the royal wedding, with its Norman Hartnell dresses and nine 400lb wedding cakes, was frowned upon by some quarters in the frugal atmosphere of post-war Britain, although ingredients for the main cake were in fact a gift from the Australian Girl Guides association. For the rest, the splendour was a welcome break from the privations of a ration-book economy. Thousands turned out on to the streets to cheer for the princess and her new husband, who King George VI gifted with the titles Duke of Edinburgh, Earl of Merioneth and Baron Greenwich for the occasion. In the interests of economy, some officials proposed an elaborate fireworks display in order to make use of the “surplus explosive chemicals” left over from the war.
50 Worst of the Worst (and Most Common) Job Interview Mistakes
1. Arriving late.
2. Arriving too early.
3. Lighting up a cigarette, or smelling like a cigarette.
4. Bad-mouthing your last boss.
5. Lying about your skills/experience/knowledge.
6. Wearing the wrong (for this workplace!) clothes.
7. Forgetting the name of the person you're interviewing with.
8. Wearing a ton of perfume or aftershave.
9. Wearing sunglasses.
10. Wearing a Bluetooth earpiece.
11. Failing to research the employer in advance.
12. Failing to demonstrate enthusiasm.
13. Inquiring about benefits too soon.
14. Talking about salary requirements too soon.
15. Being unable to explain how your strengths and abilities apply to the job in question.
16. Failing to make a strong case for why you are the best person for this job.
17. Forgetting to bring a copy of your resume and/or portfolio.
18. Failing to remember what you wrote on your own resume.
19. Asking too many questions.
20. Asking no questions at all.
21. Being unprepared to answer the standard questions.
22. Failing to listen carefully to what the interviewer is saying.
23. Talking more than half the time.
24. Interrupting your interviewer.
25. Neglecting to match the communication style of your interviewer.
26. Yawning.
27. Slouching.
28. Bringing along a friend, or your mother.
29. Chewing gum, tobacco, your pen, your hair.
30. Laughing, giggling, whistling, humming, lip-smacking.
31. Saying "you know," "like," "I guess," and "um."
32. Name-dropping or bragging or sounding like a know-it-all.
33. Asking to use the bathroom.
34. Being falsely or exaggeratedly modest.
35. Shaking hands too weakly, or too firmly.
36. Failing to make eye contact (or making continuous eye contact).
37. Taking a seat before your interviewer does.
38. Becoming angry or defensive.
39. Complaining that you were kept waiting.
40. Complaining about anything!
41. Speaking rudely to the receptionist.
42. Letting your nervousness show.
43. Overexplaining why you lost your last job.
44. Being too familiar and jokey.
45. Sounding desperate.
46. Checking the time.
47. Oversharing.
48. Sounding rehearsed.
49. Leaving your cell phone on.
50. Failing to ask for the job.
2. Arriving too early.
3. Lighting up a cigarette, or smelling like a cigarette.
4. Bad-mouthing your last boss.
5. Lying about your skills/experience/knowledg
6. Wearing the wrong (for this workplace!) clothes.
7. Forgetting the name of the person you're interviewing with.
8. Wearing a ton of perfume or aftershave.
9. Wearing sunglasses.
10. Wearing a Bluetooth earpiece.
11. Failing to research the employer in advance.
12. Failing to demonstrate enthusiasm.
13. Inquiring about benefits too soon.
14. Talking about salary requirements too soon.
15. Being unable to explain how your strengths and abilities apply to the job in question.
16. Failing to make a strong case for why you are the best person for this job.
17. Forgetting to bring a copy of your resume and/or portfolio.
18. Failing to remember what you wrote on your own resume.
19. Asking too many questions.
20. Asking no questions at all.
21. Being unprepared to answer the standard questions.
22. Failing to listen carefully to what the interviewer is saying.
23. Talking more than half the time.
24. Interrupting your interviewer.
25. Neglecting to match the communication style of your interviewer.
26. Yawning.
27. Slouching.
28. Bringing along a friend, or your mother.
29. Chewing gum, tobacco, your pen, your hair.
30. Laughing, giggling, whistling, humming, lip-smacking.
31. Saying "you know," "like," "I guess," and "um."
32. Name-dropping or bragging or sounding like a know-it-all.
33. Asking to use the bathroom.
34. Being falsely or exaggeratedly modest.
35. Shaking hands too weakly, or too firmly.
36. Failing to make eye contact (or making continuous eye contact).
37. Taking a seat before your interviewer does.
38. Becoming angry or defensive.
39. Complaining that you were kept waiting.
40. Complaining about anything!
41. Speaking rudely to the receptionist.
42. Letting your nervousness show.
43. Overexplaining why you lost your last job.
44. Being too familiar and jokey.
45. Sounding desperate.
46. Checking the time.
47. Oversharing.
48. Sounding rehearsed.
49. Leaving your cell phone on.
50. Failing to ask for the job.
Something to reflect on.....
Friends….
For the first time in my life my throat gave me serious problems. And this problem of a sore throat where I could not speak or where my vocal chords were getting messed up – was an issue bothering me for 2 whole months.
I tried medicines – all kinds. And when it was still not healing, I decided to go to an ENT Specialist at GMC Hospital at Ajman, UAE.
She was a nice old lady who told me the problem was 2 fold – 1) it was because of the weather and 2) because I strained them.
She also added that if I damaged them with more strain, I would have to undergo surgery.
I was just so scared wondering, what if I lost my voice - one of the biggest gifts that made me one of the top speakers in the Middle East? How would I live my life?
So my question to you is this….
What gifts do you and I have that are for free...but we take so for granted?
Imagine what would happen if we lost them?
Sometimes it is important for us to know we are 'oh' but human....and give gratitude for what we have...that comes so for free....
Just reflect.
:O)
For the first time in my life my throat gave me serious problems. And this problem of a sore throat where I could not speak or where my vocal chords were getting messed up – was an issue bothering me for 2 whole months.
I tried medicines – all kinds. And when it was still not healing, I decided to go to an ENT Specialist at GMC Hospital at Ajman, UAE.
She was a nice old lady who told me the problem was 2 fold – 1) it was because of the weather and 2) because I strained them.
She also added that if I damaged them with more strain, I would have to undergo surgery.
I was just so scared wondering, what if I lost my voice - one of the biggest gifts that made me one of the top speakers in the Middle East? How would I live my life?
So my question to you is this….
What gifts do you and I have that are for free...but we take so for granted?
Imagine what would happen if we lost them?
Sometimes it is important for us to know we are 'oh' but human....and give gratitude for what we have...that comes so for free....
Just reflect.
:O)
Letter of Threat from someone whom I deleted + a reply....my style!
(His letter is the first bit....My reply is the second bit)
so buddy read it carefully
if u do a frdship with person (he or she ) so plz fulfil it for whole life ok
if u delete him or her from ur frd list
dat u r wrong guy & plz dont take advantage of ur frdz & dont use ur frd for your selfishness
if u wana do this again so plz dont send or accept anybody frd req on orkut
ok buddy its advice 2 u its clear & plz dont do time pass with any 1 & be a gud frd with nice human ( he or she)
In iz world dont play with hearts k if u do it so u losse hi, or her forever u rascal.
if u dont change ur attitude then i will say u dat wt da hell u are u asshole & dont become very smart with me k
Anonymous.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
MY REPLY
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Anonymous: so buddy read it carefully
Answer : reading carefully ‘buddy’ and just to let you know, I ain’t your ‘buddy’
Anonymous: if u do a frdship with person (he or she ) so plz fulfil it for whole life ok
Answer : er…which fucking language is this fuck face? Because the grammar sure does stink. All I can suppose is may be…just may be…your father is the bathroom cleaner in my company and your mother must be a camel or a whore. Oh by the way..in case you don’t know the meaning of whore…..refer ‘www.dictionary.com you pathetic cunt of misery.
Anonymous: if u delete him or her from ur frd list
Answer : I can delete whomsoever the fuck I want. From your mom, to your child, to your fucking swollen ball (because you only have one!) that is on face book. Tell your father to invest and create another social networking site which you can then become the ‘President’ and then dictate your fucking terms.
Anonymous: dat u r wrong guy & plz dont take advantage of ur frdz & dont use ur frd for your selfishness
Answer : Do you know whats a cunt? Because to be honest my friend, your personality is no better than one. How the fuck can you take advantage of someone by deleting them? Why? Did I get them pregnant? Did is make them suck my hairy dick which I apparently didn’t shave for the past one month? How? Or did I shove it into your ass? Get real moron!
Anonymous: if u wana do this again so plz dont send or accept anybody frd req on orkut
Answer : To be honest, since I don’t know your fucking id, I don’t think I would ever send you something. So get a life.
Anonymous: ok buddy its advice 2 u its clear & plz dont do time pass with any 1 & be a gud frd with nice human ( he or she)
Answer : Sure buddy. Since advice is like shit – comes out for free even if you don’t want it to come out, well your shit, your smell, your gooey nonsense. Smell it, taste it, enjoy it by yourself.
Anonymous: In iz world dont play with hearts k if u do it so u losse hi, or her forever u rascal.
Answer : I know…You are so right….especially when someone doesn’t know how to write a bloody email properly.
Anonymous: if u dont change ur attitude then i will say u dat wt da hell u are u asshole & dont become very smart with me k
Answer : To be honest, I am an asshole and will remain that way forever. As far as my attitude goes – it will remain EXACTLY the way it is now. So too bad….
Finally,
This is something I want to tell you.
The very fact you took time to write to me shows:
1) You are pretty unhappy about your life.
2) Your relationships suck
3) Your love life is messed up
4) Your parents never gave you proper upbringing that showed maturity and wisdom
5) You are not AT ALL successful in your finance as well as your current job – it is not what you want
6) Physically – you are out of shape
7) Mentally – No one can get along other than nut-cases because that is how far your maturity can take
8) Spiritually – You may pray but your life will be forever in the down side
9) You are seeking to feel good by putting others down – which is why you will never succeed
10) You lack character that is why you didn’t have the balls to give your real name and details.
So fuck you and thank you for taking the time to write to me.
so buddy read it carefully
if u do a frdship with person (he or she ) so plz fulfil it for whole life ok
if u delete him or her from ur frd list
dat u r wrong guy & plz dont take advantage of ur frdz & dont use ur frd for your selfishness
if u wana do this again so plz dont send or accept anybody frd req on orkut
ok buddy its advice 2 u its clear & plz dont do time pass with any 1 & be a gud frd with nice human ( he or she)
In iz world dont play with hearts k if u do it so u losse hi, or her forever u rascal.
if u dont change ur attitude then i will say u dat wt da hell u are u asshole & dont become very smart with me k
Anonymous.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
MY REPLY
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Anonymous: so buddy read it carefully
Answer : reading carefully ‘buddy’ and just to let you know, I ain’t your ‘buddy’
Anonymous: if u do a frdship with person (he or she ) so plz fulfil it for whole life ok
Answer : er…which fucking language is this fuck face? Because the grammar sure does stink. All I can suppose is may be…just may be…your father is the bathroom cleaner in my company and your mother must be a camel or a whore. Oh by the way..in case you don’t know the meaning of whore…..refer ‘www.dictionary.com you pathetic cunt of misery.
Anonymous: if u delete him or her from ur frd list
Answer : I can delete whomsoever the fuck I want. From your mom, to your child, to your fucking swollen ball (because you only have one!) that is on face book. Tell your father to invest and create another social networking site which you can then become the ‘President’ and then dictate your fucking terms.
Anonymous: dat u r wrong guy & plz dont take advantage of ur frdz & dont use ur frd for your selfishness
Answer : Do you know whats a cunt? Because to be honest my friend, your personality is no better than one. How the fuck can you take advantage of someone by deleting them? Why? Did I get them pregnant? Did is make them suck my hairy dick which I apparently didn’t shave for the past one month? How? Or did I shove it into your ass? Get real moron!
Anonymous: if u wana do this again so plz dont send or accept anybody frd req on orkut
Answer : To be honest, since I don’t know your fucking id, I don’t think I would ever send you something. So get a life.
Anonymous: ok buddy its advice 2 u its clear & plz dont do time pass with any 1 & be a gud frd with nice human ( he or she)
Answer : Sure buddy. Since advice is like shit – comes out for free even if you don’t want it to come out, well your shit, your smell, your gooey nonsense. Smell it, taste it, enjoy it by yourself.
Anonymous: In iz world dont play with hearts k if u do it so u losse hi, or her forever u rascal.
Answer : I know…You are so right….especially when someone doesn’t know how to write a bloody email properly.
Anonymous: if u dont change ur attitude then i will say u dat wt da hell u are u asshole & dont become very smart with me k
Answer : To be honest, I am an asshole and will remain that way forever. As far as my attitude goes – it will remain EXACTLY the way it is now. So too bad….
Finally,
This is something I want to tell you.
The very fact you took time to write to me shows:
1) You are pretty unhappy about your life.
2) Your relationships suck
3) Your love life is messed up
4) Your parents never gave you proper upbringing that showed maturity and wisdom
5) You are not AT ALL successful in your finance as well as your current job – it is not what you want
6) Physically – you are out of shape
7) Mentally – No one can get along other than nut-cases because that is how far your maturity can take
8) Spiritually – You may pray but your life will be forever in the down side
9) You are seeking to feel good by putting others down – which is why you will never succeed
10) You lack character that is why you didn’t have the balls to give your real name and details.
So fuck you and thank you for taking the time to write to me.
MY MADD WORDS OF WISDOM
WOMEN'S WORDS
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Fine, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you idiot!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
*********
MEN'S WORDS
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
**********
COMPLICATIONS OF BEING A WOMAN....
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
She is a womanIf you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk
In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So damning, yet so wonderful
So confusing, yet so desirable... ...
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Fine, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you idiot!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
*********
MEN'S WORDS
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
**********
COMPLICATIONS OF BEING A WOMAN....
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
She is a womanIf you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk
In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So damning, yet so wonderful
So confusing, yet so desirable... ...
10 of the World's Greatest Jobs
10) Bike rider-photographer for Google Maps
Google (GOOG) has hired two lucky young men to ride around France on dopey looking tricycles snapping up photos of historical sites that are inaccessible by car. This three-wheeler is a sight with its long pole holding nine cameras, a GPS, a computer and a generator. But the contraption tooling around the French capital needs all that gear to do its job – adding three-dimensional images to Google's Street View Maps.
The riders, wearing Google tee-shirts and white helmets, are visiting well-known sites such as the Chateau de Versailles, west of Paris, the Jardin du Luxembourg on the city's Left Bank or Les Halles, in the busy centre of the French capital.
9) Director of Fun at a museum (age 6)
A six-year-old boy who wanted to become the director of York's National Railway Museum landed himself a job - as the director of fun. The ambitious youngster got a plum role at the National Railway Museum after applying to replace retiring boss Andrew Scott. Sam Pointon sent a handwritten letter headed "Application for director" asking for an interview at the centre, in York. The letter listed his credentials for the role, including his expertise on his train set. "I am only six but I think I can do this job," wrote Sam. "I have an electrick (sic) train track. I am good on my train track. I can control two trains at once." Staff was so impressed they appointed Sam an honorary "Director of Fun" and his job will be to bosses how he thinks they can ensure the museum is the most fun place for kids to spend a day out.
Ok, maybe this isn't the best job in the world for an adult, but it certainly rocks the world of a 6 year old.
8) World of Warcraft Tester
Do you Play World of Warcraft? And if so, do you play well? Can you farm 200 gold an hour and hit level 80 in under 2 weeks? If the answer is yes, you can apply for the job that about 12 million players only dream about, as a Wow game tester! There are in fact several Blizzard jobs posted on their website. The Blizzard employment database has dozens of mmorpg jobs available, mostly WoW employment opportunities. They are currently hiring for several game tester positions for World of Warcraft, under the QA department. They are in particular looking for foreign language testers, so if you speak any other language besides English, don't hesitate to apply to start your Blizzard career. And, yeah, you will be required to play at least four hours a day.
7) Candy taster
Another one of the world's best job has gone to schoolboy Harry Willsher, 12, chief taster in a sweet factory. Harry's job is to test top secret recipes. He got the job after winning a contest at Swizzell's Matlow to find a recruit. According to him, after his first tour at his new job, he felt like having tepped into the book Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. He wowed judges by describing the flavor and smell of his favourite sweet, the Drumstick lolly. The Derby firm, which also makes Love Hearts, Rainbow Drops and Parma Violets, has now given the youngster chief taster overalls and business cards. As well as sampling the sweets, he will also monitor their development at the company's factory in New Mills, Derbyshire. I don't know if it's the best job, but it's definitely the sweetest.
6) Wine tester and blogger
Imagine moving to the heart of Sonoma County, where every day you'll come home to more than 450 wineries along the beautiful northern coast of California. Picture living rent free, learning the intricacies of making the perfect wine, and capturing and sharing the entire experience for your network of Twitter followers. Now imagine getting paid $10,000 a month to do it. Listening? Hardy Wallace of Atlanta, the first person to submit his application, was the winner for the position at Murphy-Goode Winery— a $10,000 p/mo for six months, rent-free job updating Twitter and Facebook with his winery lifestream. The interview process was simple: submit a YouTube video explaining why you would be good for the job and wait to see what happens.
5) Resort waterslide tester
Surely the envy of any desk-bound office worker, Tommy Lynch has travelled over 27,000 miles this year for his job, testing holiday resort waterslides. Mr Lynch, 29, works for holiday giant First Choice, checking the height, speed, water quantity and landing of the flumes, as well as all safety aspects. In 2008 Mr Lynch tested waterslides at holiday villages in Lanzarote, Majorca, Egypt, Turkey, Costa Del Sol, Cyprus, Algarve, Dominican Republic and Mexico. This year he will quality control First Choice's new splash resorts in Greece, Turkey, Florida, Jamaica and Ibiza.
Liverpool-born Mr Lynch, whose job title is lifestyle product development manager, was recruited to identify the very best pools to be featured in First Choice's new Splash Resort collection. He also ensures potential new resorts are up to the company's standard.
4) Luxury bed tester
A student from Birmingham City University has landed her dream job...literally! Sleeping on the job and having a lie-in will no longer be a problem for a girl, who has been selected to test out luxury beds for a month and get paid for it.
Roisin Madigan, 22, is earning £1,000 to sleep in designer beds every day for a month. The student is helping with a "sleep survey" carried out by luxury bed specialists Simon Horn Ltd. The company sells luxury Savoir Beds, originally made for the Savoy Hotel. General manager Craig Roylance said Roisin will not only provide an objective view of the beds on sale, but will also be part of a look into what brings a good night's sleep. She will spend 10am to 6pm in beds in the company's showroom in Edgbaston, and then will blog about her experiences.
3) Paradise island caretaker
Ben Southall, 34, of Petersfield, beat out nearly 35,000 applicants from around the world for the dream assignment to swim, explore and relax on Hamilton Island in the Great Barrier Reef, while writing a blog to promote the area. He was selected for the $111,000 gig - a six-month contract to serve as caretaker of a tropical Australian island. He now has to live rent-free in a three-bedroom villa, complete with pool.
Before getting the job he had to spend four days on the island for an extended interview process, which required applicants to snorkel through crystalline waters, gorge themselves at a beachside barbecue and relax at a spa. He also had to demonstrate his blogging abilities, take swimming tests and sit through in-person interviews.
2) Condom tester
An Australian manufacturer called for applications for what it claims could be the world's best job - condom tester. Durex marketing manager Sam White was hiring Australians over the age of 18 who could apply for one of 200 positions as a condom tester. Unfortunately the position is not paid, but successful applicants would receive a free $60 selection of Durex products and will be required to provide the company with honest feedback about the products' performance. One of the lucky 200 testers would win a $1000 bonus. Maybe the bonus is not that great, but one thing's for sure - it's a job where employees won't mind taking their work home and burning the midnight oil. We are sorry to inform you applications are closed.
1) Professional prostitute tester
Jaime Rascone is no different than the rest of us in that the erstwhile DJ needs to grab the occasional odd job to make ends meet. But the Chilean lothario has beat all of us by holding the type of fantasy job that just sounds too good to be true: Quality Control in a brothel.
Rascone, an occasional male model and DJ, first happened upon Fiorella Companions in Santiago, Chile while working on a story about the country's sexual revolution. He was offered the gig by Madam Fiorella, who needed somebody to provide that final “interview” in her hiring process. It goes like this: girls who are interested in working as VIP escorts for Fiorella have to undergo interviews, psychological testing, and a photo session. The applicants are whittled down to a final six, who are then fucked one after the other in a single day by Jaime. He takes diligent notes on, say, how they moved their hips and whether their groans were adequate, and makes recommendations to the madam. There is even paperwork involved. The strain of the job is actually such that he can only do it once a month, testing around seventy girls or so a year.
10) Bike rider-photographer for Google Maps
Google (GOOG) has hired two lucky young men to ride around France on dopey looking tricycles snapping up photos of historical sites that are inaccessible by car. This three-wheeler is a sight with its long pole holding nine cameras, a GPS, a computer and a generator. But the contraption tooling around the French capital needs all that gear to do its job – adding three-dimensional images to Google's Street View Maps.
The riders, wearing Google tee-shirts and white helmets, are visiting well-known sites such as the Chateau de Versailles, west of Paris, the Jardin du Luxembourg on the city's Left Bank or Les Halles, in the busy centre of the French capital.
9) Director of Fun at a museum (age 6)
A six-year-old boy who wanted to become the director of York's National Railway Museum landed himself a job - as the director of fun. The ambitious youngster got a plum role at the National Railway Museum after applying to replace retiring boss Andrew Scott. Sam Pointon sent a handwritten letter headed "Application for director" asking for an interview at the centre, in York. The letter listed his credentials for the role, including his expertise on his train set. "I am only six but I think I can do this job," wrote Sam. "I have an electrick (sic) train track. I am good on my train track. I can control two trains at once." Staff was so impressed they appointed Sam an honorary "Director of Fun" and his job will be to bosses how he thinks they can ensure the museum is the most fun place for kids to spend a day out.
Ok, maybe this isn't the best job in the world for an adult, but it certainly rocks the world of a 6 year old.
8) World of Warcraft Tester
Do you Play World of Warcraft? And if so, do you play well? Can you farm 200 gold an hour and hit level 80 in under 2 weeks? If the answer is yes, you can apply for the job that about 12 million players only dream about, as a Wow game tester! There are in fact several Blizzard jobs posted on their website. The Blizzard employment database has dozens of mmorpg jobs available, mostly WoW employment opportunities. They are currently hiring for several game tester positions for World of Warcraft, under the QA department. They are in particular looking for foreign language testers, so if you speak any other language besides English, don't hesitate to apply to start your Blizzard career. And, yeah, you will be required to play at least four hours a day.
7) Candy taster
Another one of the world's best job has gone to schoolboy Harry Willsher, 12, chief taster in a sweet factory. Harry's job is to test top secret recipes. He got the job after winning a contest at Swizzell's Matlow to find a recruit. According to him, after his first tour at his new job, he felt like having tepped into the book Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. He wowed judges by describing the flavor and smell of his favourite sweet, the Drumstick lolly. The Derby firm, which also makes Love Hearts, Rainbow Drops and Parma Violets, has now given the youngster chief taster overalls and business cards. As well as sampling the sweets, he will also monitor their development at the company's factory in New Mills, Derbyshire. I don't know if it's the best job, but it's definitely the sweetest.
6) Wine tester and blogger
Imagine moving to the heart of Sonoma County, where every day you'll come home to more than 450 wineries along the beautiful northern coast of California. Picture living rent free, learning the intricacies of making the perfect wine, and capturing and sharing the entire experience for your network of Twitter followers. Now imagine getting paid $10,000 a month to do it. Listening? Hardy Wallace of Atlanta, the first person to submit his application, was the winner for the position at Murphy-Goode Winery— a $10,000 p/mo for six months, rent-free job updating Twitter and Facebook with his winery lifestream. The interview process was simple: submit a YouTube video explaining why you would be good for the job and wait to see what happens.
5) Resort waterslide tester
Surely the envy of any desk-bound office worker, Tommy Lynch has travelled over 27,000 miles this year for his job, testing holiday resort waterslides. Mr Lynch, 29, works for holiday giant First Choice, checking the height, speed, water quantity and landing of the flumes, as well as all safety aspects. In 2008 Mr Lynch tested waterslides at holiday villages in Lanzarote, Majorca, Egypt, Turkey, Costa Del Sol, Cyprus, Algarve, Dominican Republic and Mexico. This year he will quality control First Choice's new splash resorts in Greece, Turkey, Florida, Jamaica and Ibiza.
Liverpool-born Mr Lynch, whose job title is lifestyle product development manager, was recruited to identify the very best pools to be featured in First Choice's new Splash Resort collection. He also ensures potential new resorts are up to the company's standard.
4) Luxury bed tester
A student from Birmingham City University has landed her dream job...literally! Sleeping on the job and having a lie-in will no longer be a problem for a girl, who has been selected to test out luxury beds for a month and get paid for it.
Roisin Madigan, 22, is earning £1,000 to sleep in designer beds every day for a month. The student is helping with a "sleep survey" carried out by luxury bed specialists Simon Horn Ltd. The company sells luxury Savoir Beds, originally made for the Savoy Hotel. General manager Craig Roylance said Roisin will not only provide an objective view of the beds on sale, but will also be part of a look into what brings a good night's sleep. She will spend 10am to 6pm in beds in the company's showroom in Edgbaston, and then will blog about her experiences.
3) Paradise island caretaker
Ben Southall, 34, of Petersfield, beat out nearly 35,000 applicants from around the world for the dream assignment to swim, explore and relax on Hamilton Island in the Great Barrier Reef, while writing a blog to promote the area. He was selected for the $111,000 gig - a six-month contract to serve as caretaker of a tropical Australian island. He now has to live rent-free in a three-bedroom villa, complete with pool.
Before getting the job he had to spend four days on the island for an extended interview process, which required applicants to snorkel through crystalline waters, gorge themselves at a beachside barbecue and relax at a spa. He also had to demonstrate his blogging abilities, take swimming tests and sit through in-person interviews.
2) Condom tester
An Australian manufacturer called for applications for what it claims could be the world's best job - condom tester. Durex marketing manager Sam White was hiring Australians over the age of 18 who could apply for one of 200 positions as a condom tester. Unfortunately the position is not paid, but successful applicants would receive a free $60 selection of Durex products and will be required to provide the company with honest feedback about the products' performance. One of the lucky 200 testers would win a $1000 bonus. Maybe the bonus is not that great, but one thing's for sure - it's a job where employees won't mind taking their work home and burning the midnight oil. We are sorry to inform you applications are closed.
1) Professional prostitute tester
Jaime Rascone is no different than the rest of us in that the erstwhile DJ needs to grab the occasional odd job to make ends meet. But the Chilean lothario has beat all of us by holding the type of fantasy job that just sounds too good to be true: Quality Control in a brothel.
Rascone, an occasional male model and DJ, first happened upon Fiorella Companions in Santiago, Chile while working on a story about the country's sexual revolution. He was offered the gig by Madam Fiorella, who needed somebody to provide that final “interview” in her hiring process. It goes like this: girls who are interested in working as VIP escorts for Fiorella have to undergo interviews, psychological testing, and a photo session. The applicants are whittled down to a final six, who are then fucked one after the other in a single day by Jaime. He takes diligent notes on, say, how they moved their hips and whether their groans were adequate, and makes recommendations to the madam. There is even paperwork involved. The strain of the job is actually such that he can only do it once a month, testing around seventy girls or so a year.
Creative Slogans.
• On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"
• On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."
• At a Proctologist's office
"To expedite your visit please back in."
• On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
• On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber"
• Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
• At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
• On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Let us pick your nose."
• At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
• On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
• In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
• On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
• At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
• On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
• In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
• On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
• At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet-- miss a car payment."
• Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
• In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
• At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
• In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry,
Come on in and get fed up."
• In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait"
• At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."
• And . . .Don't forget the Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"
• On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."
• At a Proctologist's office
"To expedite your visit please back in."
• On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
• On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber"
• Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
• At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
• On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Let us pick your nose."
• At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
• On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
• In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
• On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
• At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
• On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
• In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
• On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
• At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet-- miss a car payment."
• Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
• In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
• At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
• In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry,
Come on in and get fed up."
• In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait"
• At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."
• And . . .Don't forget the Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
11 MADD LAWS THAT GOVERN US.
MADD LAW OF QUEUE:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
**********
MADD LAW OF TELEPHONE:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
**********
MADD LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
**********
MADD LAW OF THE WORKSHOP:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
**********
MADD LAW OF THE ALIBI:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
**********
MADD LAW OF HAVING A BATH:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
**********
MADD LAW OF ENCOUNTERS:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
**********
MADD LAW OF THE RESULT:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
**********
MADD LAW OF BIOMECHANICS:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
**********
MADD LAW OF THEATRE RULE:
People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
**********
MADD LAW OF COFFEE:
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
**********
MADD LAW OF TELEPHONE:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
**********
MADD LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
**********
MADD LAW OF THE WORKSHOP:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
**********
MADD LAW OF THE ALIBI:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
**********
MADD LAW OF HAVING A BATH:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
**********
MADD LAW OF ENCOUNTERS:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
**********
MADD LAW OF THE RESULT:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
**********
MADD LAW OF BIOMECHANICS:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
**********
MADD LAW OF THEATRE RULE:
People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
**********
MADD LAW OF COFFEE:
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
A controversial letter written to me by a lady member in our speakers club.
Hi Loy,
Read your mail just now and the very first thought which came in my mind was like this......
In LAGOON you are one of the most adorable TM.But then why you keep on sending us Funny mails????????.......So after analyzing the whole situation i found solution for you.
WIFE IS VERY IMPORTANT IN LIFE.SHE IS THE ONE WHO REFRAINS HER DARLING HUBBY FROM GETTING CRAZY. 24*7 SHE KEEPS HER HUSBAND BUSY WITH POTATO,TOMATO ,ONION........... LIST ,WHICH KEEPS HIM AWAY FROM HIS PERSONAL AND OFFICE TENSIONS.HE DOESN'T GET TIME TO THINK ANYTHING NONSENSE...........
SO PLEASE MARRY AND RELIEVE ALL OF US FROM YOUR CRAZIEST MAILS (sometimes in midnight also).
1.See Dear FULL DAY YOU WILL BE SO TIRED THAT YOU WILL NOT EVEN FEEL LIKE GETTING UP IN NIGHTS.
2. Even if you are not getting sleep you will act that you are sleeping to avoid her demands.
3.You will be more fit and your house will never be a DEAD FORUM.
4.All the controversies will start in house,so no cold war in lagoon.
5. And seeing your pity condition you will become more ADORABLE IN LAGOON...
6. AND ABOVE ALL YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEARN HUMOUR , IT WILL AUTOMATICALLY COME..........................
- Regards Richa.
Read your mail just now and the very first thought which came in my mind was like this......
In LAGOON you are one of the most adorable TM.But then why you keep on sending us Funny mails????????.......So after analyzing the whole situation i found solution for you.
WIFE IS VERY IMPORTANT IN LIFE.SHE IS THE ONE WHO REFRAINS HER DARLING HUBBY FROM GETTING CRAZY. 24*7 SHE KEEPS HER HUSBAND BUSY WITH POTATO,TOMATO ,ONION........... LIST ,WHICH KEEPS HIM AWAY FROM HIS PERSONAL AND OFFICE TENSIONS.HE DOESN'T GET TIME TO THINK ANYTHING NONSENSE...........
SO PLEASE MARRY AND RELIEVE ALL OF US FROM YOUR CRAZIEST MAILS (sometimes in midnight also).
1.See Dear FULL DAY YOU WILL BE SO TIRED THAT YOU WILL NOT EVEN FEEL LIKE GETTING UP IN NIGHTS.
2. Even if you are not getting sleep you will act that you are sleeping to avoid her demands.
3.You will be more fit and your house will never be a DEAD FORUM.
4.All the controversies will start in house,so no cold war in lagoon.
5. And seeing your pity condition you will become more ADORABLE IN LAGOON...
6. AND ABOVE ALL YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEARN HUMOUR , IT WILL AUTOMATICALLY COME......................
- Regards Richa.
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About Me
- Machedo Max
- Loy Machedo Award-Winning Speaker & Trainer Cell +971-50-631-85-19 Facebook - Loy Anthony Machedo Linkedin - http://ae.linkedin.com/pub/loy-machedo/25/863/92 Chat - loymachedo@yahoo.com | loymachedo@hotmail.com Email - theinvisiblestring@yahoo.co.in Blog - http://machedomax.blogspot.com Twitter –http://twitter.com/loymachedo Website - www.loymachedo.com Facebook Fan Page http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=563183159#!/pages/Loy-Machedo/154673514564472