A 30 year old
Chatting with a…..really young girl
A very young girl…
Very very young girl….
Too young to even think of as a woman whom I will desire
Desire to make love to
In the warmth softness, sinful and sensual swamp
Of a lovers bed….
And suddenly….
Something is bothering me….
Bothering me…
Bothering me….
Bothering me….
What is bothering me….
What exactly is bothering me?
Come on…
I mean why should anything bother me…
Haven’t I had enough women?
Haven’t I made love to enough and more?
Haven’t I done it all?
But then…
Have you ever wondered
Why do such a questions ring inside your mind…
Especially when you are going to embark on something new?
A new relationship
A new friendship
A new feeling…
And then the ugly doubts of the past
Like a Snake
Slither
Slide
And
Strike
Its fangs of fear
Into your heart….
So here I am
A 30 year old
Chatting with a…..really young girl
And my question bothers me…
Should I
Or
Should I not
Open my heart to her?
Be honest to her?
Give life another chance
Of may be…
Falling in love?
But come on…
Isn’t that a bit too early?
Is it love?
Is it like?
Or is it plain old simple fashioned lust
That makes your heart beat faster
Simply because you are getting an erection
And don’t know and cant think
Simply because blood went and gorged one head
And not the other…?
Should I take a chance?
Should I try my best to may be get her to meet me?
May be….try to sleep with her?
Or should I rather…
Just be nice…
Not have any intentions…
And leave it to fate?
….
In all this dialogue..
I listen to her…
And then…
I decide..
That I will let it go with the flow…
Take a chance…
Make a mistake if required…
But not be scared of living life…
So we talk..
She opens up…
I listen…
I open up…
She listens…
But nothing great..
Nothing out of the way…
Just normal talk…
And few bits…
Peppered with conversations of sexual hints…
Both saying a lot…
Without the either letting the other know whats on their mind.
We talk
We exchange our thoughts…
And she tell me…
Good night…
….
I walk towards my car…
I go home…
I go to bed
I think of her at night
I kind of dream of her
I kind of lust for her
I kind of think a few thoughts of love
And I sleep….not.
The whole night…
Just tossing and turning
I cant sleep…
So what do I do next?
Decide to write on Face book about this incident
Titled
“My new sexual adventure with an under-aged girl. – part 1”
Now there comes the ‘other’ voice
The voice that comes to you when you are doing something
Something that may be right or not right…
And it speaks to me…
Tells me…
She will not like this one bit…
The very fact that I am making this story public…
Public for the world to see…
But being me..
The so called
Self proclaimed…
sex n money god…
and madd machedo max…
well
don’t I do what I have to do?
Don’t I give a dam?
So why not?
And there…
I publish it for the whole world to see…
But only form of redemption…
Her name will be held in absolute secrecy
No one will know about it…
Next day…
She calls me up…
And the first thing she asks..
Why?
Why did you do this?
Why did you hurt me?
Why did you mock me?
You just wanted to fuck me…was that it…?
You just wanted to disgrace me…was that it?
You just wanted to use me…was that it?
Now given the person I am…
I don’t like to hurt anyone..
And I don’t think I would like to face the guilt that I am hurting someone…
So now…
Should I tell her lets meet up and speak this out – face to face
But all alone
In the privacy of the 4 walls….
Where 2 people lose inhibitions….
With may be a possibility of sex in the tension?
Or should I do the unthinkable…
Delete her number, her id and not keep in touch with her anymore?
Simple….
I do something anyone would have done
Well…may be not everyone…or anyone…
Only me….
And I did it…
What did I do?
I will tell you...
Just wait for my next note…..
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