Letter of Threat from someone whom I deleted + a reply....my style!

(His letter is the first bit....My reply is the second bit)

so buddy read it carefully
if u do a frdship with person (he or she ) so plz fulfil it for whole life ok
if u delete him or her from ur frd list
dat u r wrong guy & plz dont take advantage of ur frdz & dont use ur frd for your selfishness
if u wana do this again so plz dont send or accept anybody frd req on orkut
ok buddy its advice 2 u its clear & plz dont do time pass with any 1 & be a gud frd with nice human ( he or she)
In iz world dont play with hearts k if u do it so u losse hi, or her forever u rascal.
if u dont change ur attitude then i will say u dat wt da hell u are u asshole & dont become very smart with me k
Anonymous.

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MY REPLY

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Anonymous: so buddy read it carefully
Answer : reading carefully ‘buddy’ and just to let you know, I ain’t your ‘buddy’

Anonymous: if u do a frdship with person (he or she ) so plz fulfil it for whole life ok
Answer : er…which fucking language is this fuck face? Because the grammar sure does stink. All I can suppose is may be…just may be…your father is the bathroom cleaner in my company and your mother must be a camel or a whore. Oh by the way..in case you don’t know the meaning of whore…..refer ‘www.dictionary.com you pathetic cunt of misery.

Anonymous: if u delete him or her from ur frd list
Answer : I can delete whomsoever the fuck I want. From your mom, to your child, to your fucking swollen ball (because you only have one!) that is on face book. Tell your father to invest and create another social networking site which you can then become the ‘President’ and then dictate your fucking terms.

Anonymous: dat u r wrong guy & plz dont take advantage of ur frdz & dont use ur frd for your selfishness
Answer : Do you know whats a cunt? Because to be honest my friend, your personality is no better than one. How the fuck can you take advantage of someone by deleting them? Why? Did I get them pregnant? Did is make them suck my hairy dick which I apparently didn’t shave for the past one month? How? Or did I shove it into your ass? Get real moron!

Anonymous: if u wana do this again so plz dont send or accept anybody frd req on orkut
Answer : To be honest, since I don’t know your fucking id, I don’t think I would ever send you something. So get a life.


Anonymous: ok buddy its advice 2 u its clear & plz dont do time pass with any 1 & be a gud frd with nice human ( he or she)
Answer : Sure buddy. Since advice is like shit – comes out for free even if you don’t want it to come out, well your shit, your smell, your gooey nonsense. Smell it, taste it, enjoy it by yourself.

Anonymous: In iz world dont play with hearts k if u do it so u losse hi, or her forever u rascal.
Answer : I know…You are so right….especially when someone doesn’t know how to write a bloody email properly.

Anonymous: if u dont change ur attitude then i will say u dat wt da hell u are u asshole & dont become very smart with me k
Answer : To be honest, I am an asshole and will remain that way forever. As far as my attitude goes – it will remain EXACTLY the way it is now. So too bad….

Finally,

This is something I want to tell you.

The very fact you took time to write to me shows:
1) You are pretty unhappy about your life.
2) Your relationships suck
3) Your love life is messed up
4) Your parents never gave you proper upbringing that showed maturity and wisdom
5) You are not AT ALL successful in your finance as well as your current job – it is not what you want
6) Physically – you are out of shape
7) Mentally – No one can get along other than nut-cases because that is how far your maturity can take
8) Spiritually – You may pray but your life will be forever in the down side
9) You are seeking to feel good by putting others down – which is why you will never succeed
10) You lack character that is why you didn’t have the balls to give your real name and details.

So fuck you and thank you for taking the time to write to me.

MY MADD WORDS OF WISDOM

WOMEN'S WORDS

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Fine, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you idiot!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

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MEN'S WORDS

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

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COMPLICATIONS OF BEING A WOMAN....

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding

If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

She is a womanIf you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring

If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk

In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So damning, yet so wonderful
So confusing, yet so desirable... ...

10 of the World's Greatest Jobs

10) Bike rider-photographer for Google Maps
Google (GOOG) has hired two lucky young men to ride around France on dopey looking tricycles snapping up photos of historical sites that are inaccessible by car. This three-wheeler is a sight with its long pole holding nine cameras, a GPS, a computer and a generator. But the contraption tooling around the French capital needs all that gear to do its job – adding three-dimensional images to Google's Street View Maps.

The riders, wearing Google tee-shirts and white helmets, are visiting well-known sites such as the Chateau de Versailles, west of Paris, the Jardin du Luxembourg on the city's Left Bank or Les Halles, in the busy centre of the French capital.

9) Director of Fun at a museum (age 6)
A six-year-old boy who wanted to become the director of York's National Railway Museum landed himself a job - as the director of fun. The ambitious youngster got a plum role at the National Railway Museum after applying to replace retiring boss Andrew Scott. Sam Pointon sent a handwritten letter headed "Application for director" asking for an interview at the centre, in York. The letter listed his credentials for the role, including his expertise on his train set. "I am only six but I think I can do this job," wrote Sam. "I have an electrick (sic) train track. I am good on my train track. I can control two trains at once." Staff was so impressed they appointed Sam an honorary "Director of Fun" and his job will be to bosses how he thinks they can ensure the museum is the most fun place for kids to spend a day out.

Ok, maybe this isn't the best job in the world for an adult, but it certainly rocks the world of a 6 year old.

8) World of Warcraft Tester
Do you Play World of Warcraft? And if so, do you play well? Can you farm 200 gold an hour and hit level 80 in under 2 weeks? If the answer is yes, you can apply for the job that about 12 million players only dream about, as a Wow game tester! There are in fact several Blizzard jobs posted on their website. The Blizzard employment database has dozens of mmorpg jobs available, mostly WoW employment opportunities. They are currently hiring for several game tester positions for World of Warcraft, under the QA department. They are in particular looking for foreign language testers, so if you speak any other language besides English, don't hesitate to apply to start your Blizzard career. And, yeah, you will be required to play at least four hours a day.

7) Candy taster
Another one of the world's best job has gone to schoolboy Harry Willsher, 12, chief taster in a sweet factory. Harry's job is to test top secret recipes. He got the job after winning a contest at Swizzell's Matlow to find a recruit. According to him, after his first tour at his new job, he felt like having tepped into the book Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. He wowed judges by describing the flavor and smell of his favourite sweet, the Drumstick lolly. The Derby firm, which also makes Love Hearts, Rainbow Drops and Parma Violets, has now given the youngster chief taster overalls and business cards. As well as sampling the sweets, he will also monitor their development at the company's factory in New Mills, Derbyshire. I don't know if it's the best job, but it's definitely the sweetest.

6) Wine tester and blogger
Imagine moving to the heart of Sonoma County, where every day you'll come home to more than 450 wineries along the beautiful northern coast of California. Picture living rent free, learning the intricacies of making the perfect wine, and capturing and sharing the entire experience for your network of Twitter followers. Now imagine getting paid $10,000 a month to do it. Listening? Hardy Wallace of Atlanta, the first person to submit his application, was the winner for the position at Murphy-Goode Winery— a $10,000 p/mo for six months, rent-free job updating Twitter and Facebook with his winery lifestream. The interview process was simple: submit a YouTube video explaining why you would be good for the job and wait to see what happens.

5) Resort waterslide tester
Surely the envy of any desk-bound office worker, Tommy Lynch has travelled over 27,000 miles this year for his job, testing holiday resort waterslides. Mr Lynch, 29, works for holiday giant First Choice, checking the height, speed, water quantity and landing of the flumes, as well as all safety aspects. In 2008 Mr Lynch tested waterslides at holiday villages in Lanzarote, Majorca, Egypt, Turkey, Costa Del Sol, Cyprus, Algarve, Dominican Republic and Mexico. This year he will quality control First Choice's new splash resorts in Greece, Turkey, Florida, Jamaica and Ibiza.

Liverpool-born Mr Lynch, whose job title is lifestyle product development manager, was recruited to identify the very best pools to be featured in First Choice's new Splash Resort collection. He also ensures potential new resorts are up to the company's standard.

4) Luxury bed tester
A student from Birmingham City University has landed her dream job...literally! Sleeping on the job and having a lie-in will no longer be a problem for a girl, who has been selected to test out luxury beds for a month and get paid for it.

Roisin Madigan, 22, is earning £1,000 to sleep in designer beds every day for a month. The student is helping with a "sleep survey" carried out by luxury bed specialists Simon Horn Ltd. The company sells luxury Savoir Beds, originally made for the Savoy Hotel. General manager Craig Roylance said Roisin will not only provide an objective view of the beds on sale, but will also be part of a look into what brings a good night's sleep. She will spend 10am to 6pm in beds in the company's showroom in Edgbaston, and then will blog about her experiences.

3) Paradise island caretaker
Ben Southall, 34, of Petersfield, beat out nearly 35,000 applicants from around the world for the dream assignment to swim, explore and relax on Hamilton Island in the Great Barrier Reef, while writing a blog to promote the area. He was selected for the $111,000 gig - a six-month contract to serve as caretaker of a tropical Australian island. He now has to live rent-free in a three-bedroom villa, complete with pool.

Before getting the job he had to spend four days on the island for an extended interview process, which required applicants to snorkel through crystalline waters, gorge themselves at a beachside barbecue and relax at a spa. He also had to demonstrate his blogging abilities, take swimming tests and sit through in-person interviews.

2) Condom tester
An Australian manufacturer called for applications for what it claims could be the world's best job - condom tester. Durex marketing manager Sam White was hiring Australians over the age of 18 who could apply for one of 200 positions as a condom tester. Unfortunately the position is not paid, but successful applicants would receive a free $60 selection of Durex products and will be required to provide the company with honest feedback about the products' performance. One of the lucky 200 testers would win a $1000 bonus. Maybe the bonus is not that great, but one thing's for sure - it's a job where employees won't mind taking their work home and burning the midnight oil. We are sorry to inform you applications are closed.

1) Professional prostitute tester
Jaime Rascone is no different than the rest of us in that the erstwhile DJ needs to grab the occasional odd job to make ends meet. But the Chilean lothario has beat all of us by holding the type of fantasy job that just sounds too good to be true: Quality Control in a brothel.
Rascone, an occasional male model and DJ, first happened upon Fiorella Companions in Santiago, Chile while working on a story about the country's sexual revolution. He was offered the gig by Madam Fiorella, who needed somebody to provide that final “interview” in her hiring process. It goes like this: girls who are interested in working as VIP escorts for Fiorella have to undergo interviews, psychological testing, and a photo session. The applicants are whittled down to a final six, who are then fucked one after the other in a single day by Jaime. He takes diligent notes on, say, how they moved their hips and whether their groans were adequate, and makes recommendations to the madam. There is even paperwork involved. The strain of the job is actually such that he can only do it once a month, testing around seventy girls or so a year.

Creative Slogans.

• On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"

• On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."

• At a Proctologist's office
"To expedite your visit please back in."

• On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

• On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber"

• Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

• At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

• On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Let us pick your nose."

• At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

• On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

• In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

• On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

• At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

• On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

• In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

• On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

• At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet-- miss a car payment."

• Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

• In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

• At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."

• In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry,
Come on in and get fed up."

• In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait"

• At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."

• And . . .Don't forget the Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."

11 MADD LAWS THAT GOVERN US.

MADD LAW OF QUEUE:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

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MADD LAW OF TELEPHONE:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

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MADD LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

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MADD LAW OF THE WORKSHOP:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

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MADD LAW OF THE ALIBI:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

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MADD LAW OF HAVING A BATH:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

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MADD LAW OF ENCOUNTERS:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

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MADD LAW OF THE RESULT:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

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MADD LAW OF BIOMECHANICS:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

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MADD LAW OF THEATRE RULE:
People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

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MADD LAW OF COFFEE:
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

A controversial letter written to me by a lady member in our speakers club.

Hi Loy,
Read your mail just now and the very first thought which came in my mind was like this......
In LAGOON you are one of the most adorable TM.But then why you keep on sending us Funny mails????????.......So after analyzing the whole situation i found solution for you.

WIFE IS VERY IMPORTANT IN LIFE.SHE IS THE ONE WHO REFRAINS HER DARLING HUBBY FROM GETTING CRAZY. 24*7 SHE KEEPS HER HUSBAND BUSY WITH POTATO,TOMATO ,ONION........... LIST ,WHICH KEEPS HIM AWAY FROM HIS PERSONAL AND OFFICE TENSIONS.HE DOESN'T GET TIME TO THINK ANYTHING NONSENSE...........

SO PLEASE MARRY AND RELIEVE ALL OF US FROM YOUR CRAZIEST MAILS (sometimes in midnight also).

1.See Dear FULL DAY YOU WILL BE SO TIRED THAT YOU WILL NOT EVEN FEEL LIKE GETTING UP IN NIGHTS.
2. Even if you are not getting sleep you will act that you are sleeping to avoid her demands.
3.You will be more fit and your house will never be a DEAD FORUM.
4.All the controversies will start in house,so no cold war in lagoon.
5. And seeing your pity condition you will become more ADORABLE IN LAGOON...
6. AND ABOVE ALL YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEARN HUMOUR , IT WILL AUTOMATICALLY COME..........................

- Regards Richa.

Advice for women by the SEXnMONEYGOD Machedo.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.

Allow your intuition to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better."
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.