When is cheating on your spouse with another person an okay thing?

When is cheating on your spouse with another person an okay thing?

Friday, October 15, 2010

It’s exactly 12am.

I’m sitting in my room after completing another presentation for the Gulf Information Technology Exhibition or otherwise popularly known as GITEX

I’m tired.

Fed up.

But satisfied that I completed something I am passionate about.

Now I begin doing something I should not do.

Think.

That too think when alone

And in the early part of a deep soulful night.

I open a word document.

And I look at the blank page

And the first sentence I write

Is this

When is cheating on your spouse with another person an okay thing?

Interesting.

Seriously.

A very interesting question.

Not just interesting.

Very intriguing.

Extremely intriguing.

The first answer that comes to mind is

The classic answer of a righteous and honest human being.

The one that operates with the axiom of a God fearing and God loving mentality.

And the answer is simply

‘never’

Oh, yes,

Then you have those defensive, self righteous, smartass people

Who give you the best one liner they can think of

And that is the over heard cliché

You should cheat on her

Only if you feel its okay for her to cheat on you.

I am like ‘DHUH – Really?’

Or may be a even better answer could be

‘Wow…you are so amazing….you opened my eyes!’

But come on

Honestly

Lets ask ourselves this very honest question

When is cheating on your spouse with another person an okay thing?

For a minute erase those defensive thoughts

Lower down your protective walls of one sided opinions

And just think

When?

(3 minutes pass by…..)

Hmmm…

Okay

I got a couple of valid reasons

1)      If your spouse is bad in bed.

2)      If your spouse does not know how to give you pleasure

3)      If you spouse give you a hard time

4)      If you are no longer in love with your spouse

5)      If you have….

Hey…wait a f**kin minute….

Lets go back and check what did I just type….

Hmmm hmmmm hmmmm

Hmmm…

Point number 4 seems….

‘interesting’

If you are no longer in love with your spouse…

But wait…

Where did the love go?

In fact, where did the love come from the first place?

Was it from the deepest part of a fictitious place we call as ‘heart’?

Was it from a hidden controversial part that we call our genetialia?

Was it from some ‘magic’ cosmic plan from some divine unknown, unseen and unheard of but firmly believed individual called ‘god’?

Sounds funny to be honest….

But no.

Wait…

Lets no divert from the topic

Let us go back to the topic

This ‘love’ bullshit is too deep and we can have this for another topic.

So coming back to our original topic…

When it is okay to cheat on your spouse.

The most sensible answer  

I can think of is….

When he or she doesn’t know about it

When he or she is not keeping you happy

When you can do it and keep it a secret

When you are doing it only for some harmless fun

I think then its okay.

But now hey….I can see you waiting to abuse those typical anti-male chauvinistic slogans on my dead body….

Yeah…Men are all bastards

Men are all the same

Men are like dogs…

And blah blah blah…

Oh shut the f**k up and listen…

And then begin your garabge…

Look around.

Look seriously around.

What is happening?

Men go to whore for paid sex

Men find other women to have fun with

Men enjoy life without being honest to their partners.

True.

Now if you are like most

You will say

SEE, LOOK…What did I tell you?

MEN…

They are the ones…

But over here

I would like to draw your humble ass attention to the sentence once again.

Men…okay…that is the first part…

Cheat….okay….that is the second part….

With whom?

Should I say it again?

Should I?

Here is the sentence again.

Men

Cheat

On their spouse

With

Whom?

And if its still not clear

Allow me to make it simpler

Men

Cheat

On

Their

FEMALE

With

Whom?

Ahh…..

Now I see your light blub getting brighter…

Men cheat on their female partner

WITH

Another female

So now

You have

The Male specie

Of the human evolution

Who anyways does not support the female race

Cheating on this female specie

With ANOTHER female.

So aren’t both

Men and women

Equal?

Seriously,

How can any man have the courage

To cheat on his spouse

With another woman

If the other woman

Would not have given him the permission

To do so the first place?

Can you see any possibility?

No my friend.

Never.

If any male tried to force a female into any act

It would be called the beautiful word that signified unwillingness

That was as we know it is called

Rape.

So its only when

A woman

Allows

A man

Who is committed

To another women

To get close to her

That this act takes place.

Yes,

There is a strong tendency to state

That this is wrong.

Wrong because you had a deal

To provide services

To only one owner

And now you are providing your ‘exclusive’ services

To more than one person.

You may be tempted to say

Then why should one be exclusive to another

If it doesn’t operate the same manner.

It is simply this

Life ain’t fair

It aint perfect

And it will never be that way.

I mean if this was the case

Why would so many men

Go to other women?

And why would so many women

Go with other men?

We live in a society that feels it is okay

To have one partner

At one particular time

And then break up with that partner

And slowly move to another one

That way the contract

Is severed

And a new contract is made

So no one is actually

‘cheated’

In the bargain

While there can be many possibilities

That this plan

Was made in a sinister but silent fashion

Much more ahead of time

And was executed now

Though there can be many possibilities to this fact

I would just state this

In a perfect world

No one would do anything wrong

Every thing would be perfect

And yes, we would all love things to be this way

But the fact of the matter is that it is not

The days of the man

Staying in a small village

With everyone knowing everyone else

Are long gone and done with

Today people have options

They have selections

They have temptations

And they have excessive awareness of the possibilities that they have never experienced

And the choices they never thought were possible

So sometimes

In the drive, desire and determination

To get the best of the best

Man or woman for that matter

Sometimes decides to go on the wild side

In my humble opinion

I believe there is sometimes a very thin line

Between good and bad

In as much as many would state

Good is good

And bad is bad

We seem to be living in a state of illusion

Where what we have is right

And what we consider is wrong

Sometimes may shift

Based on how the truth sometimes

Touches us or bites us

So in other words

It is hard to come up with a perfect answer.

So what is my final verdict then?

Well…at 12:37am

On Friday, October 15, 2010

After letting my thoughts run wild..

My answer to this deep dark dangerous question

Would be this.

I have lived a life where I have seen many friends and many acquaintances.

They all live their lives based on what they feel is right

Or what they feel is wrong

Am I to judge them?

Doesn’t really matter now does it?

I think what is right for me

Should be left to my conscious

And what is wrong should be left for me to deal with

Each one to his own

You should know what you want

And you should live your life accordingly

I just believe life was never fair

And never meant to be fair

So just do you thing

Knowing fully well what you are doing

And know that in the end

You should pay the price for what you are up to

And whatever you answer to the question may be

Just be sure

That if you never did it – there is nothing to think about.

But if you ever did cheat on your partner

Make sure your right hand didn’t know what the left hand was doing.

In that way

What was never known

Would never hurt anyone

And in the end

Everyone is happy

And that is where I conclude in the words I hardly believe and agree with most of the times.

Sometimes truly

Ignorance is a bliss.

The Leadership Seminar.

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The Untold Story of Loy's Ability to Talk - Part 8

Ask anyone if they have any regrets in life

And you can be rest assured very few would say ‘yes’.

As a matter of fact, very rarely do people ever admit such a crime.

Why?

May be to portray a positive attitude.

May be to show a foolhardy delusional ability to control their destiny

May be to display a faith in some great super power

Or simply

May be because their pride would never let them admit this truth.

But I am of the humble opinion

Everyone has something

They wish they could change.

At least one.

If not, the assumption is simple

One has tuned his or her mind to think otherwise.

And since one cannot change how a person perceives life

I think I would be wise to let go of this assumption

And move on with the story

But yes the truth remain

If you are not perfect

If you are not in control of your environment

And if you are not 100% in control of everything you ‘aspire’ to be

Lets add other human beings

With the same issues and problems

Then yes, everyone has at least one regret.

I have many

But nothing comes close to this one

And it is my decision to leave my educational foundation unfinished

And pursue a career

As a speaker

In fact anything that would bring me to the spot light of speaking.

So great was the passion

And so addictive was the passion

That I found nothing wrong in jumping ship.

I landed in dubai with an oozing positivity

That life would embrace me

That challenges would be over come

And that I would conquer anything and everything

Little did I know

Anthony Robbins had over sold me to his idea

Without the most important ingredient

Common sense.

After coming to Dubai

For the next 2 years

I walked the hot, hungry and hopeless streets of Dubai

Knocking door after door

With an aim to get a job

But with a greater goal to use this as a stepping stone

To move towards my dream

Speaking as a career.

I applied to the only place I could

To showcase my skills

Speaking = Radio or Events.

In both cases, I was rejected

Totally

Absolutely

And firmly

After being stubborn for nearly 2 years

And running pillar to post

I ran out of the fuel my parents had filled me up with

The fuel of faith

And I finally moved into the first job I could grab

A shop keeper.

Yes, folks

After all the so called sophisticated education

And common sense

With all the accolades

I was now a humble shop keeper.

I thought the days were done with

And my dreams were over.

Surprisingly and shockingly

This was the going to be a wild ride

With stage experience

With events

And most importantly

Women.

And this is how it happened……

The Untold Story of Loy's Ability to Talk - Part 7

And the road I was now treading on….

Was the road to not just public speaking….

But taking public speaking

Into the world of Charisma and Magic.

Out of the blue

One day

I was asked to be a Master of Ceremonies

for a young crowd that had only one thing in mind

Drinking

And getting drunk

And they wanted an emcee

Well….

I thought to myself

Why not?

And I grabbed the opportunity.

I spoke and I think I did what they considered as an ‘amazing job’

In hindsight however,

all I can say is that

I did a job that anyone else with a big mouth would have done

Spoke shit.

And loads of it

And to a drunk crowd

Gave them my nonsense.

After the event got over it

It was a new high I experienced.

Crowd control

The power of the spoken word.

Having thousands listening to me.

That was it.

That was what I wanted now more than anything else

In this whole wide world.

I got bitten by the bug to want to speak at functions

I began moving aggressively

Begging and pleading people

To let me become an Master of Ceremonies

And I was ready to do it at any cost.

Free

Or even pay them!

I did as many shows as I could

And yes, for free.

This went on

With the hope that one day, I would be super famous

Many experienced business professionals

took advantage of that ignorance

But to me, the praise of an audience and the attention girls gave me

Well was worth every penny.

You must excuse me….

I was a young boy with his hormones exploding…..

I had my share of affairs

And my share of moments

Where when I look back today

Well I can say were days that would only come to a lucky few

And remain as a memory in the forgotten moments of time

The only thing that I carried with me from India

After all those shows

Was the hope that one day I would be a famous speaker

Something that world would want to know and love to worship…

Little did I know what was store for me

As I took the decision to leave college

And come back to Dubai

……

The moment I would say without a doubt

Was the biggest mistake I had ever done to date. 

The Untold Story of Loy's Ability to Talk - Part 6

The book.

The book he gave me

That book....

was unlike most of the books I had read.

It was not like the usual ones I would normally read

It was different

No pictures

But yet,

There was something about this book.

It was titled

‘Think and grow rich with peace of mind by Napoleon Hill’

My first non-fiction book

I began reading it

In fact

It took me some time to read this book

After I read this book

I was hooked

I felt different.

Felt….strange as I could call it…

Or rather….powerful.

And as soon as I finished this book

I called up that uncle for another book

When he came in the next time

He took back his first book

And in exchange gave me another

This time it was titled

Think and grow rich by Napoleon Hill

I repeated the same process.

This went on and on

Soon as time passed

I finished all the books by Napoleon Hill that he had.

But as in all kinds of relationships

This relationship with my uncle

Also vanished in time

But what stayed on

Was this new found addiction to books

But ONLY

Non Fiction Books.

And this was the time I started to get rewarded with pocket money.

So I could purchase books

So after completing the entire collection of Napoleon Hill

I moved on to the next recommended collection

Dale Careneige

Those I began to purchase

(later on I purchased Napolen Hills Books also)

I read those titles

Everything from

How to win friends and influence people

To

How to stop worrying and start living.

After that got over with

I began reading Robert Schuller

Once that got over with

Came the entire collection of Anthony Robbins

Then Dr. Wayne Dryer

Then came the Chicken Soup for the Soul…

And as I kept reading each book

My knowledge improved

But then something even more strange happened

The want and the desire to speak also magically increased

But here was a problem

Though I wanted to speak

Yet there was no outlet for speaking

Because….I lived a different life

With no friends…

And most of the time I was alone

And even worse

I loved my solitude.

In my entire life

There was only one competition held in my school on public speaking

And I had entered it only because it was about public speaking

And since it was my first experience

I went confident into the speech

Only to forget the speech after the 3^rd minute.

And by far…

The ONLY speech I had forgotten in my life.

Then with all that bottled up desire

And the passion to speak

I entered College life

St. Aloysius College Mangalore, India.

Over here after the first feel of absolute freedom

Being away from home and from parents

Which was the most amazing moment I had ever experienced to date

The first thing that stuck me after that sense of being liberated from home

Was the sense of doing whatsoever I pleased.

After a few days of getting used to the place

I joined a library.

Once that got over with

I went around

Sniffing like a dog searching for a bone

I sought any avenue that gave room for public speaking.

And that was where

I found out there was a Co-Curricular Department

Which focused on….get a load of this…

Public Speaking.

And what’s more I realized was that

They didn’t just have one competition per year.

They had a competition almost every week!

And to add to the excitement

It seems they had no one in the college who was interested!

I was like WOW, this is heaven.

Soon I was the ONLY student who would go there

Every day and every night

With only one intention in mind

And that was to compete

To take part in another contest

Or to win another contest

I just wanted to take part and do whatever I could to win.

One part of this bargain was that

There was no one to guide me

The other part of the bargain was that

I didn’t know what it took to win.

So with my immature mind in the spirit of competition

I did whatever I thought I knew best.

Wrote flowery words

Recorded each and every work on an old shady tape recorder

and hear out every word

Practice each and every sentence to the point my mouth became numb

And yes, the most important bit

Conduct enough research until I felt I didn’t have anything else to look into.

These turned out to be the fundamental basics to my speaking ability.

I won a few

I lost a few

But I left a mark.

Soon because of this crazy ambition of mine

To only take part in competitions

Lead me down the disastrous road to failure as a student

I hated studies and couldn’t’ stand them one single bit

And I guess the feeling was mutual where it concerned my teachers.

And in going down this path of speaking

I got introduced into the world of being an EMCEE

Accidentally one day as I went to see an event.

And that road lead me to something even more new….